Real Name: Matilda
Kahnberg
Occupation: Space
Pirate
Base of Operations: Space
Marital Status: Widow
Widowed
after a tragic zeppelin crash, Matilda Kahnberg took some of the
proceeds from her husband's insurance policy to take a cruise around
the Experienced Islands (named for a queen who wasn't so inexperienced
*wink-wink*), where she was abducted by a group of space-fairing
pirates because she had a certain genetic anomaly that would allow
their mortally wounded captain's essence to be transferred into
her body. However, the second mate didn't want Captain Bastard
Fuckemall's life to go on, after all, the man didn't get a nickname
like: Puppy-Snapper or Bugger-Anything-Once for having nice hobbies
like needlepoint! Even for a pirate Captain, this was too much.
So instead, he coached Matilda in acting like him until they could
escape. A few jobs later, while watching a couple of Colonial ships
evaporate into the abyss of space from her command chair, Matilda realized she really liked her work.
Space piracy was better paying and more exciting than her teaching
job - not that she could go back after blowing up her classroom
from low orbit.
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