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Modern Major General

by I Sing The Songs


(The girls enter the stage. They all have their faces painted white (except Purity, for obvious reasons) and are dressed in kimonos)

Crushed: Ready?

Red: These robes are stuffy, how many layers are there to these things?

Knaw: As many as the layers o' flab 'round yer gut tubbo!

Purity: Seize your infernal prattling, let us begin!

Crushed: Oy….

(Music begins, the theme to 'I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General' from Pirates of Penzance)

Crushed:
#I am the very model of a poor kitty heroine
I've died so many times and I always will get up again
The fates are cruel and twisted so they leave me in delirium
What I wouldn't give to find an eternal life ser-I-um.#

Red: is that a word?

Crushed: * Sigh *
#My demeanour is often one of sardony, sarcastic wit
'cus face it as far a des-I-tany's go my one is really sh*t
Knaw is mean, Purity's cruel and Red has a large weight problem.
We buy our clothes in bulk from every retail consortium

Red: Cool, my turn?

Crushed: Knock yourself out.

Red: Great!
#I am the very model of a pudgy individual.
my waistline makes me quite rotund my belly's rather spherical.
I'm a sucker for candy, chocolate, and any other fattening treat
To keep from eating less than every five minutes is quite a feat.
If I did want to lose my flab I'd probably find it quite a test
I can't run more than a few meters without getting out of breath
No I'll remain a tub of lard no matter how hard I try's
A plump round butt, a beach ball belly and a pair of thunder thighs

Knaw: My toin!
#I am deh very model of a deadly individual
I have a deadly blow dart gun; it's perfectly cylindrical
My knives are sharp, my arrows poisoned, my grapple weighted perfectly
The hooks are bent to precise measure to have perfect symmetry
The poisons I use vary from incapasitents to fatalty
To make the illusion of painful death a cold reality
I'm often told the language that I use is very, very crass
But I gots an arrow sharp enough to get through tubby's huge tank ass!#

Purity: I refuse to participate in this…I'm leaving!

Crushed: Doesn't matter, the writer couldn't think of anything anyhow.

Red: This outfits making me hungry, I thing I'll grab some fortune cookies!

Knaw: I hates it when people gets dah Makardo mixed up with PoP!

(Everyone looks at her)

Knaw: WHAT!!!!!
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