by
Botmaster2
Crushed: Ooooh, my head…..
Crushed sits up, holding her head. Next to her,
also starting to stir, are Red and Knaw. There is no Purity, as
she is taking a “Vacation” from them (She’s probably tired of dying
10 times a day)
Crushed: Man, that one really hurt.
Knaw: Good plan, Tubby Bitch!
Red: Shut up! It WAS a good plan!
Crushed: Oh well, let’s get back to the house
so we can…
Crushed looks up, and goes wide eyed. She looks
around her, pretty much stunned. Knaw and Red have started arguing,
so they haven’t noticed yet.
Knaw: We were so close too! But you HAD to have
us go through that hallway, didn’t you Tubby?
Red: Well I haven’t eaten since breakfast, and
I thought I heard the sound of knives scraping against a plate.
Crushed: Girls…..
Knaw: Knives against plates? That was the sound
of Knives being sharpened, about to come flying through the wall
at our faces, Tubby Bitch!
Red: How the hell was I supposed to know that?
Knaw: YOU SHOULD KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FOOD
KNIVES AND “STABYOU IN THE FACE” KNIVES TUBBY!
Crushed: Girls…..!
Red: Besides, you were the one who had to stop
and kick that ogre in the nuts. If you didn’t do that, we might
have made it out of there!
Knaw: Hey, he looked at me funny.
Red: That’s because you’re probably the smallest
thing he’s ever seen!
Crushed (Getting annoyed): Girls!
Knaw: Then why didn’t he look at you, Tubby? He’s
probably never seen anyone as Tubby as you!
Red: I’m not tubby, I’m Reasonably Overweight.
There’s a difference.
Knaw: No there isn’t!
Crushed (Screaming at the top of her lungs): GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Immediately, Red and Knaw stop arguing. They look
at Crushed, who is glad she’s finally gotten their attention.
Crushed: Have you two even BOTHERED to look around
yet?
Red and Knaw look around.
Knaw: What the hell……
The three of them are sitting in an ally, next
to some garbage cans. On either side of them are HUGE Buildings
stretching high into the sky. There are a few clouds in the sky,
but mostly it is a nice sunny day.
Red: Where…….Are we?
Crushed: Not sure, but it’s definitely not the
Temple.
Knaw: Quiet, I hear something!
The three turn to one of the buildings, namely,
a door. It opens, and out steps a worker, wearing a suit, carrying
a garbage bag.
Worker: Man, I hate garbage day….
The worker then sees Crushed, Red, and Knaw. Normally,
when it is this workers day to take out the 2nd floor’s garbage,
he is greeted by a rat or two, which he ignores. But this week,
he is confronted by three feline women, naked, one short and one
fat, sitting in the ally, staring at him. After standing there
for a few seconds, he does what anybody would do if confronted
by that situation:
Worker: That’s it. I’m going home and throwing
out all my alcohol. I’m starting to hallucinate…
The worker opens the dumpster, and throws the
garbage bag into it. He looks back at the three girls.
Worker: Well go on, get out of here! I already
know you’re fake!
They just stare at him.
Worker: Fine, I’ll do it myself. I’ll just put
my hand through your face, and you’ll disappear.
He walks over to Crushed, and moves his hand towards
her face. His fingers poke her in the eyes.
Crushed: OW! What the hell was that for?
The worker now realizes they’re not hallucinations.
With this realization, he does what anyone else would do: he screams
and runs back into the building.
Crushed (Rubbing eyes a bit): Um…….Now I’m really
confused.
Red: Agreed
Knaw: Now how the hell did we get here?
Crushed: I don’t know. I remember seeing the knifes
flying towards me, and expecting to see the priest in a few seconds,
but..
Red: ……oopps…..
Crushed and Knaw stare at Red
Crushed: Oopps? Why oopps? I know what usually
comes when someone says oopps. I know what I’VE done when I’ve
said oopps, and it usually involves falling a large distance or
getting stabbed with something, now why are you saying it?
Red: Well….heh heh…..I forgot to tell you guys
that the priest told me something really important.
Knaw: HOW important?
Red: Uh, he told me this morning that there was
a malfunction in the Regenerator, and that nobody was to die before
it was fixed. He told me that if someone died, they would be regenerated,
but in a completely different land, maybe even a completely different
world, and be stuck there for about….uh….24 hours. Yeah, 24 hours.
Knaw and Crushed stare at Red again, this time
looking pretty angry.
Red: Well….uh………at least it’s only 24 hours, right?
Crushed tries to stay calm.
Crushed: Uh….Red……It was an honest mistake. Everyone
makes them, so we shouldn’t……
Knaw doesn’t bother to try to stay calm.
Knaw: DAMN TUBBY BITCH I’M GONNA KILL YOU!
Knaw leaps at Red, who ducks. Knaw crashes into
the trash cans behind Red.
Knaw: Oooooh………I’ll just kill you later, Tubby
Bitch….
Crushed: Look, we have 24 hours here. Let’s go
find a way to get some clothes, then find out where the hell we
are.
Red: Hey Look!
Red points to outside the ally. Across the street
is a store called “Kiwi Clothes”. The three of them finally get
out of the ally, go across the street (with lots of people staring,
after all, it’s three naked chicks walking across the street) and
go into the store. They walk to the cashier.
Cashier (Not looking at them yet): Hello, welcome
to Kiwi Clothes, how may I help (Looks up at them) yooooOOOOOOWHAT
THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
Crushed: Uh, we need some clothes….
Cashier: Well I can see that! You can’t just come
into this store not wearing anything! We have a strict clothes
policy.
Crushed: Wait, people have to wear clothes to
get in the store, and yet you sell clothes. Don’t those kind of
contradict each other? I mean, if you only let people who already
have clothes into the store, why do they need to buy some?
The Cashier stands there, blinking. She finally,
grumbling, goes to the back of the store.
Red: Wow. Nice one, Crushed.
Crushed: Thanks.
The Cashier comes back, holding a jumble of clothes.
Cashier: Just take these, no charge. Just promise
you won’t come back to this store….
Crushed: No problem. Thanks.
A FEW MINUTES LATER:
Dressed in new clothes (Just some casual wear
by designer Calvin Kiwi-line), the girls walk out of the store.
Red: Ok, now for the next important thing: I’m
really hungry! We need to find a restaurant, and fast.
Crushed: Yeah, I’m hungry too. Let’s try this
street.
The three of them get to a crosswalk, and stand
in a crowd, waiting for the walk sign to turn on. While they are
waiting, Knaw looks at a woman in the crowd.
The three of them get to a crosswalk, and stand
in a crowd, waiting for the
walk sign to turn on. As they wait.
Red: Uh oh, I just thought of something!
Crushed: What?
Red: Money! All we have is g, which I doubt will
be worth much here.
Knaw: Leave it to me, I'll get us some money.
Knaw looks around, then finds what she is looking
for: a wallet is sticking
out slightly out of the back pocket of a woman's pants. Knaw sneaks
over,
and carefully starts to extract the woman's wallet.
Crushed (In a whisper): Knaw! What the hell are
you doing?
Knaw (Not bothering to whisper): Solving our money
problem, what does it
look like?
Crushed (Still whispering): Not like that. Knaw,
I don't want to get into
any trouble. Please..
Knaw (Even louder than before): Let me do my thing
here!
Voice: HEY!
The three girls turn around to see Brute Force
staring at them looking
mighty pissed off.
Brute Force: THAT'S MY WIFE'S WALLET YOU'RE TAKING!
Crushed (Whispering again to Knaw): Great going,
Knaw.
Knaw (Directly to Brute Force): Oh come on, what
is a Lunkhead like you
going to do to us?
KER-SLAMA-JAMA!
Thanks to an insanely powerful punch by Brute
Force, our heroines are now up in the air at a height usually reserved
for birds, not cats. They all start screaming, of course.
Crushed: RED DO SOME SORT OF SPELL NOW!
Red: Uh……Oh I Know!
Red chants something, and a blue light surrounds
them. But they’re still flying fast.
Crushed: Uh, what is that?
Red: Well, it’s an anti-death spell. When we land,
we won’t die.
Knaw: Great, so we won’t be hurt at all.
Red: No, it will hurt. Probably a lot. But we
won’t die.
Crushed: Oh, wonderful…….
Knaw: OH HELL WE’RE GOING TO CRASH INTO THAT HOUSE!
All three brace themselves (Well, as well as you
can brace yourself for smashing through the roof of a house). They
all hope that Red’s Death-stopper will work….
KER-SLAM-BLAMO-CRASH-CRUMPLE-TINKLE-Oooooohhhhhhh…..
The three of them lie there, in a heap, all facing
down. They are silent for a couple seconds, but finally…
Crushed: Red, remind me to buy you a book about
more advanced spells, like flying or anti-pain or something.
Red: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now where are we? All I
hear is running water….
Knaw: Did we land near a river or something?
The three slowly sit up, to find that they are
in a bathroom.
Crushed: Well no wonder you hear water running,
we’re in a bathroom.
Knaw: But the sink isn’t on……
Red: Uh, girls?
Knaw and Crushed turn around to see what Red is
staring at. It’s the shower. Which is on. But probably the thing
they notice most is the head poking through the curtains. It is
a young feline, with medium length blonde hair. She stares at Red,
Crushed, and Knaw, who stare back. Finally, the girl starts screaming,
causing the three of them to start screaming too.
Woman: GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BATHROOM!
Crushed, Red, and Knaw all try to talk at the
same time. Suddenly, the girl’s eyes light up. And not like the
way people’s eyes light up when they get an idea or when they see
someone they love. I mean her eyes ACTUALLY light up. She shoots
a laser beam out of her eyes at them. They all scream (They’re
getting used to screaming around here) and dive out of the way.
The woman shoots another laser, and this time, the three of them
dive out of the door. They find themselves in the hallway of the
house. As they sit in the hallway, breathing heavy, the bathroom
door slams behind them, and from the inside, they hear the woman’s
voice again.
Woman: Did you three come here to rob my house?
Because if you did, you choose a pretty bad house to rob!
Crushed: Uh, no, we don’t want to rob your house.
Woman: Then you came to try to put me out of action.
But I’ll have you know I haven’t fought crime all day, so I’m fully
prepared for any battle!
Crushed: No….we didn’t come here to kill you either.
Woman: Uh…..then why are you in my house?
Crushed: Some huge guy punched us across this
whole city because we made fun of his wife.
Silence. Then…
Woman: Did the guy have the letters “B.F” on his
shirt?
Red: Yeah, I think he did.
Woman: Oh. I get it. So who are you people anyway?
Crushed: It’s a long story.
Woman: Well go downstairs and make yourself at
home. Let me finish my shower.
Red: Can I watch?
Woman: …………….Excuse me?
Crushed: Don’t mind her.
Crushed whacks Red in the back of the head as
the three of them head downstairs. They find a small, but nice,
living room, and sit down, while Red goes to the kitchen. Crushed
sees a newspaper and picks it up.
Crushed: “The Supermegatopia Times”? This place
is called Supermegatopia?
Knaw: Long ass name.
Crushed (Flipping through the newspaper): Let’s
see…… “Weasel Boy saves orphanage from Carrion”…… “Hell Kitty claws
Terrorist’s eyes out”………. “Interview with Hyper Hippo”…..Who are
all these people?
Red (walking back into the room, holding doughnut
she found): Well, judging by some of the far-fetched sounding names,
they sound like super heroes to me. But why the hell does this
town have so many heroes? Shouldn’t a town only need one?
Knaw: Maybe the town sucks…..
Crushed: Sucks? You saw the size of this place
when we were up there. It’s HUGE! Why would any town this big suck?
Knaw: It could find a way…
Red: Why are you so damn negative all the time,
Knaw?
Knaw: Call it a gift. Hey, Crushed, how much money
do we have?
Crushed looks in a small bag she has been carrying
around (When you regenerate, you keep the money that you died with).
Crushed: Let’s see……..700 g. I don’t know if we
can make it here on that…..
Red: That might not even be enough to buy a decent
meal! Hell, that’s probably not enough to buy a meal for a tiny
person like Knaw!
Knaw: Shadup.
Woman (From upstairs): Be down in just a minute,
just have to change!
Crushed: You know, we don’t know this woman’s
name yet, do we?
Red: Uh…….I don’t think I caught it….
Knaw: That’s because she didn’t say it, Tubby
Bitch. In order for you to catch anything, something must be thrown
first.
Crushed: You know, that’s kinda poetic, Knaw.
Where did you get that?
Knaw: Back of a beer can.
As she says this, the woman comes down the stairs.
She is now dressed in a very super-hero-looking outfit.
Woman: Ok, now let’s find out what the hell you
people are doing here….
Red (Whispering to Knaw): Man, this woman must
be out of her mind. She’s dressed as a super hero….
Knaw (Who obviously isn’t the best at keeping
secrets): Why the **** are you dressed like a super hero?
Woman: Uh, because I am one.
Crushed: Yeah, there seem to be a lot of super
heroes in this town.
Woman: You got that right….uh……..er….what’s your
name?
Crushed: Oh. My name is Crushed.
Red: Red Stephie, but everyone usually calls me
Red.
Knaw: Just call me Knaw. No questions asked.
Woman: Oh, ok. You guys can call me Buxom Gal.
The three of them kind of stare at Buxom Gal,
then at each other, then back at her.
Crushed: Uh….Buxom Gal?
Buxom Gal: Yeah.
Crushed: May I ask as to Why your name is Buxom
Gal?
Buxom Gal: (Sighs) everyone wants to hear the
story……..
A FEW MINUTES AND ONE INTERESTING STORY LATER…
Buxom Gal: So that’s pretty much it. That’s why
everyone calls me Buxom Gal.
The three, once again, stare, in silence. Finally,
Knaw breaks the silence by saying, as only she can,
Knaw: Can I just call you Big Boob Bitch?
Buxom: …………….
Crushed: Don’t listen to her, she does that to
everyone.
Buxom: Now, I’ve told you about me, tell me who
you guys are and how you ended up in my bathroom.
ONE PRETTY LONG STORY LATER:
Buxom: ….So you guys come from a world where,
when you die, you immediately come back to life? Weird.
Crushed: I don’t know what’s so weird about that…
Buxom: Well, here, I’m pretty positive you only
get one life. Although usually, if you die accidentally, Death
will let you come back. Like I once tripped over my cape and fell
down the stairs of my house, but Death said I’m not supposed to
actually die for a long time. That’s always refreshing to hear,
I guess.
Crushed: So, we’re stuck here for another 22 hours.
And we don’t have that much money.
Buxom: Well how much do you have?
Crushed takes out the bag of “g” and tosses it
to Buxom. As Buxom looks inside the bag, her eyes go wide.
Crushed: Yeah, I know, we don’t have that much.
Buxom: Uh, is this gold?
Crushed: Yeah, why?
Buxom: We don’t have much gold in Supermegatopia.
This could probably keep you in good health here for a year.
Knaw: Aw hell….
Red: What’s wrong with that?
Knaw: I was hoping we would have to kill some
people to get money…
BOOM!
From outside, there is an explosion. All 4 of
them rush to the window. Outside, in the distance, there is a fire.
Buxom: Oh bugger, Metallurgist’s destroyed the
bank again.
Crushed: Uh, Metallurgist?
Buxom: Super Villain. She uses a lot of mechanics
to fight. I’ve got to go.
Crushed: We’ll come with and help! We’re adventurers
after all!
Buxom: Great! Let’s get going.
Buxom Gal opens the front door, and the four of
them rush out. Buxom then jumps into the air and flies off. Crushed,
Red, and Knaw immediately stop, staring at Buxom who flies away
into the distance.
Knaw: She can shoot lasers, her boobs grow, and
she can fly. This place is ******* crazy……
Crushed: Well, no way I’m walking the whole way
there. Let’s just go find a way to preoccupy ourselves for the
next 22 hours.
Red: How about we GET SOME FOOD I’M STARVING!
Crushed: Fine, fine, let’s go find a good restaurant.
The three of them leave Buxom Gal’s house and
start walking throughout the city, looking for a good restaurant.
Thanks to Crushed’s natural navigation skills, they find themselves
lost almost immediately.
Knaw: I thought you said you were great at navigating
new places, Dead Kitty.
Crushed: I am. But I have to have seen the place
first…
Red: Then it technically isn’t a new place, is
it?
Crushed: Uh…well……Hey there are some people in
that ally. Let’s go ask them.
The three girls go into the ally. At the end of
it are two people, one male and one female, kissing, as the man
begins to unbutton the girl’s top.
Crushed: Uh, excuse me?
The two people immediately spring to attention,
causing the woman’s top to fall down. Red stares.
Woman: Hi! I don’t think I’ve seen you guys around
here. I’m Slut Puppy, and this is my partner, Horn Dog.
Horn Dog: Yo.
Crushed: Um…..ok…….we’re looking for a good restaurant.
Is there one around here?
Slut Puppy: Oh yeah. Just leave the ally, and
go two blocks to your left. There’s a great place there.
Crushed: Ok, thanks.
Horn Dog: Wait, don’t leave just yet! Don’t you
want to hang out a bit?
Knaw: No.
Horn Dog: But think about it. If you guys stay,
we could all have an Orgy!
Slut Puppy claps her hands in happiness.
Slut Puppy: YAY, ORGY!
Red: HELL YEAH!
Crushed: No, no, we have to go.
Crushed and Knaw leave, dragging Red behind them,
who is trying to join H.D and S.P. They go two blocks down, and
find a restaurant called “The Kiwi Kitchen”. They go in, find a
seat, and order food. While they’re waiting….
Crushed: Well, this place makes absolutely no
sense at all.
Red: Yeah. Let’s see what we’ve seen so far……A
super hero who’s powers come from her boobs, a huge muscle man
who punched us across the whole city, and a team of two heroes
who wanted to have an orgy with us, which probably would have been
fun.
Knaw: No it wouldn’t have been fun, Tubby Bitch!
Red: Well you’ve probably never been in one before.
Then again, probably for good reason. You’d probably be crushed
under the weight.
Crushed: I’ll tell you this, things would go a
lot better if we had Purity with us.
Red: Yeah, she could protect us.
Knaw: I’m glad she’s not around right now. I hate
having three tall bitches around me all the time. Hell, everyone
in this CITY is tall. I have yet to see one short person….
As she says this, their food arrives. Crushed
pays the waitress 1g (which is more than enough), and the waitress
goes to get them change. While they dig into the food, they listen
to several conversations going on in the restaurant, trying to
pick up on anything they can about the city. At one table, two
guys are discussing something. They hear one of the men say “I’m
telling you, The A.S.S could beat the Offenders any day of the
week!”. At another table, there appears to be some sort of business
meeting between people. One of them says “Think about it, boss:
Kiwi-flavored Computers. They work just like regular computers,
but you can lick them, and they taste like kiwi!”. Another table,
two guys are in an argument. “I don’t care if she’s a clone, and
if she’s evil, she still is hotter than the Original and the Brunette!”
The three finish their food, and are about to leave, when
CRASH CRUMPLE TINKLE
Buck Naked smashes through the window, and crashes
through the table Crushed, Red, and Knaw were sitting at. As he
slowly gets up, and rubs his head, He turns to the three of them.
Buck: Sorry about that. Are you alright?
You can tell that the “Hunk-Alarm” is going off
in Crushed’s head. She tries to respond to him.
Crushed: I…uh….well…I I I I I I…..I…
Red: We’re fine.
Buck: Ok, good. (He turns to the outside of the
restaurant) Man, Brute Force is a nice guy, but whenever he sees
kittens……..
As Buck heads out the door, Crushed has a distant,
but happy, look on her face.
Crushed: I think I’m in love…………..
Knaw: Like he’d ever want to go out with a girl
who has a habit of dying at least 15 times a day…
Crushed calmly reaches over to Knaw and pounds
her on the head.
Red: Let’s get out of here, I want to do some
sight seeing.
Red leaves, and Crushed, who has finally snapped
out of her Buck-Induced trance, follows, dragging Knaw behind her,
who is holding her head. The three of them begin looking around
the city, passing the time. Red keeps insisting that they go back
and see if Horn Dog and Slut Puppy are still interested in the
orgy, but Knaw and Crushed pretty much refuse. After walking and
doing a little shopping, they are strolling down a sidewalk, when
from around the corner, a citizen turns and runs at full speed,
a frightened look in his eyes. He rushes towards the three girls.
Crushed: What’s going on?
The man runs right past them, yelling something
about a hamster.
Knaw: A hamster? He’s running from a hamster?
Red: Wimp.
The three of them turn the corner, and find themselves
face to face…..er…….make that face-to-foot with the World’s Largest
Hamster, who stares down at them. Crushed, Red, and Knaw are immediately
paralyzed by the size of this normally small creature. The WLH
looks at them for a second, then blinks. This is enough to get
the girls screaming and running for their lives towards the nearest
building, which happens to be huge. As they run through the front
door, and continue running, Lindsey-Dillo tries to greet them.
Lindsey-Dillo: Hi! Welcome to SMT Labs. Are you
here for….
The three run right past her, and straight into
an elevator.
Lindsey-Dillo: I guess they don’t want a tour.
They’ve probably heard about the accidents here. I don’t blame
them.
The elevator door shuts.
Crushed: HIT A BUTTON ANY BUTTON AND QUICK!
Red slams a random button, and the Elevator starts
moving up. As it does, the three girls just sort of slide down
the Elevator Walls and sit there, breathing heavy.
Knaw: What……The……****…….was……….THAT?
Red (Breathing really heavy): It (huff) looked
(huff) like a (huff) Giant (Huff) Hamster…..
Crushed: This place just (Huff Huff) keeps getting
Stranger and stranger!
Red: At least it can’t get any weirder…
As soon as she says that, Knaw and Crushed stare
daggers at her.
Crushed: Now why the hell would you go and say
that? You know what’s going to happen now, don’t you?
Red: Oh bugger….
Knaw: Good going, Tubby Bitch, now things are
just going to keep getting weirder.
Crushed: Hey, Red, which button did you hit anyway?
I want to know how High up we’re going to be.
Red looks at the elevator buttons.
Red: Let’s see……..Uh, I hit this one that says
“MDN 70”
Knaw: MDN? Why aren’t the elevator buttons just
labeled with Numbers?
Red: Actually, that’s the only one that has letters
and numbers on it. The rest are just normal, with numbers.
Crushed: of all the buttons you could push, you
had to push the one that was different from all the others?
Red: I dunno….it looked better than the other
ones….
The elevator slows to a stop. The door opens,
revealing a HUGE lab. The three of them step inside, and as soon
as they do, they hear a woman’s voice.
Voice: Is that you, Lindsey? Just leave the Particle
ReModifyer next to the door.
Crushed: Uh…..we’re not Lindsey, and what is a
Particle ReModifyer?
Silence for a second. Then Mad Dr. Nesbit pokes
her head out from around a corner. She looks at Crushed, Red, and
Knaw, and gets annoyed.
Mad Dr. Nesbit: Who the hell are you three?
Crushed: Uh, I’m Crushed, this is Red, and this
is Knaw.
Mad Dr. Nesbit: Oh. Well, my name is Mad Dr. Nesbit.
Crushed: Ok, Dr. Nesbit…
Mad Dr. Nesbit: No, MAD Dr. Nesbit.
Red (looking really confused): Your Legal name
is MAD Dr. Nesbit?
Mad Dr. Nesbit: So why are you three in my lab?
Crushed: We had to find a place to hide from this
huge Hamster.
Knaw: Hey, this place is cool! Can you show us
around?
Mad Dr. Nesbit: Hmmmmmmm……normally I don’t, but
I’m in a slightly good mood today, so sure.
Mad Dr. Nesbit starts walking them through her
lab, pointing out all the things she has. Crushed, Knaw, and Red
try to look interested, although they really have no idea what
most of the stuff is.
Mad Dr. Nesbit: Over there is my Flux Metal Re-Arranging
Capacitor. I can turn any piece of metal into another random object
that is usually made out of metal.
Red: It can?
Mad Dr. Nesbit: Yeah, watch.
Nesbit looks around on the floor, and picks up
an ordinary small screw. She throws it into the machine. It glows
a bit, spins around, and all of the sudden, completely morphs.
It morphs into a cool looking knife, complete with handle. As it
drops on the ground in front of the girls, you can almost see the
hearts appear in Knaw’s eyes.
Knaw: ….wow…….can I keep the knife?
Mad Dr. Nesbit: Yeah, whatever. Anyway, over there
is my prized machine. Probably the machine that I’m most famous
for.
Crushed: What does it do?
Mad Dr. Nesbit: It converts everyday energy into
doughnuts.
This time, it’s Red’s eyes who you can see hearts
in.
Red: Did you say…..energy….into…..doughnuts?
Mad Dr. Nesbit: Yeah. They rarely let me use it
because of this bogus reason that it causes blackouts and mass
chaos throughout the city.
Red: Awwwww…….
Mad Dr. Nesbit: Well, that’s about all the things
that I have, now get out.
Crushed: No! We want to look around more! You
MUST have something you haven’t showed us……
Mad Dr Nesbit thinks, and looks around the room.
She then goes wide eyed.
Mad Dr. Nesbit: Oh man, how could I forget? I
do have one more important thing. Follow me.
They all follow her to a rather large window.
Crushed: It looks like a window to outside....
Mad Dr. Nesbit: It does look like a window to
the outside. But look out it.
The three girls all lean out the window, realizing
they are VERY high up. They look around, but don’t see anything.
Knaw: I don’t see nothing!
Mad Dr. Nesbit: Lean a little more forward and
you’ll see it!
The three of them lean forward just a tad. Mad
Dr. Nesbit just reaches under them and dumps the three of them
out the window. As they start falling, she shuts the window.
Mad Dr. Nesbit: Man, that felt good. Now to go
decode the Jelly Matrix…..
As the girls are falling, they start (What else?)
screaming. As Knaw and Crushed fall at relatively the same speed,
Red falls MUCH faster (I know about all the Air Resistance stuff,
and how everything, no matter how big it is, falls at the same
speed, but come on, Red is REALLY fat!) The only saving grace is
that Mad Dr. Nesbit’s floor is the top floor, so they have a long
way to fall (if you call that a saving grace….) Suddenly, Crushed
and Knaw just stop falling. Actually, they start moving completely
sideways. This surprises them for a second, until they look down
and see that a flying superhero caught them. As Crushed and Knaw
look at each other, and breathe a sigh of relief, the super heroine
speaks up.
Super Heroine: You know, I didn’t think that my
house would be the last time I saw you guys.
Knaw: Hey, it’s Big Boob Bitch!
Buxom Gal: ……nice to see you again, Knaw……..
Crushed: Man, I am glad to see you.
Buxom: What were you guys doing in Mad Dr. Nesbit’s
lab anyway?
Knaw: Well first we ran into this HUGE Hamster.
Crushed: So we ran into this building, and me,
Knaw, and Red got in the………..
Crushed thinks a second, then gasps.
Crushed: GAH YOU DIDN’T CATCH RED!!!
Buxom: Relax, she’s fine. I caught her.
Knaw: No you didn’t!
Buxom: I know, “I” I didn’t catch her. I should
say “She” I caught her.
Buxom motions to her right. Crushed and Knaw look,
to see the Brunette Buxom Gal, struggling to carry Red.
Brunette Buxom: Oh sure, you catch the thin ones,
and leave me to catch the huge one.
Buxom: You’re supposed to do that! You’re a HERO!
Crushed: Uh……..there are two of you?
Buxom: Kinda, she’s my clone. Actually, there’s
a third clone who’s a redhead, but she’s evil, so we don’t really
count her.
Red: This place gets more ****** up by the second….
Brunette Buxom: Could you please not move around
so much? It’s hard enough for me too carry you…
Red: Are you implying that I’m fat?
Brunette Buxom: Yeah. I’ll just come right out
and say it: you’re fat!
Buxom: You know, you’re supposed to be a hero,
and that’s not very hero like!
Brunette Buxom: Will you shut up about the hero
thing already? You tell me like 10 times a day!
Buxom stops flying and points at her clone.
Buxom: That’s because you still don’t have the
hero thing down yet!
However, by pointing, she drops Knaw. Buxom Gal
goes wide eyed, and flies down, still holding Crushed, and catches
Knaw before she falls a far distance. As Buxom Gal breaths a sigh
of relief, Brunette Buxom Gal laughs.
Brunette Buxom: You know, THAT isn’t very hero-like
either…
Buxom: Fine, we’re even.
By now, the sun is starting to set. Red yawns.
Red: Man, I’m tired. We have to find a place to
get some sleep….
Buxom: Hmmmm, where could you guys stay?
Brunette Buxom: How about at Weasel Boy’s mansion?
They probably have free rooms.
Buxom: Vayne Manor? Yeah, that is a good idea!
Maybe you’re not just a useless clone after all!
Buxom Gal laughs a bit as Brunette Buxom nearly
drops Red in anger. They then fly Crushed, Knaw, and Red over to
Vayne Manor.
Red: Wow…it’s huge!
They land and drop the three girls off.
Buxom: Just tell them your situation, and they’ll
give you a room.
As the two Buxom Gals fly away, our three adventurers
walk up to the HUGE front door. Before anything, Crushed stops
the other two.
Crushed: Better let me knock.
Knaw: Why?
Crushed: It would look weird if they opened the
door and found a tiny rat asking for a room.
Red sticks her tongue out at Knaw.
Crushed: OR a fat ass, either.
This time, Knaw sticks her tongue out at Red as
Crushed knocks on the door. After a bit of waiting, Gretchin answers
the door.
Gretchin: ‘Ello, how can I help you?
Crushed: Yes, Ma’am, Me and my friends are lost
here and…
Gretchin: Well I’ll be damned! Tiger Lass never
told us she had an Identical Twin sister! Feel free to come on
in, and bring your friends too. I’ll go get her.
Gretchin turns around and walks away, calling
for Tiger Lass.
Crushed: Oh for the love of….what just happened?
Knaw: Hey, she said to come in, so why are we
still out here?
The three girls walk in and look around at the
immense house.
Knaw: Wow…this place can make a person feel tiny!
Red: Any size house can make YOU feel tiny, Knaw.
As they all sit down on the couch, Gretchin walks
back in through a doorway.
Gretchin (Looking through doorway behind her):
Tiger Lass, why didn’t you tell us you had a sister?
Tiger Lass (Stepping through the doorway): But
Gretchin, I DON’T have a sis…….whoah…..
Crushed and Tiger Lass then see each other. At
first, they both think they’re looking into mirrors, they figure
out that it’s another person who looks exactly like them. For a
bit, they look at the other one, then at themselves, then back,
as if to compare themselves to the other one. Finally, Knaw speaks
up.
Knaw: Great….Dead Kitty gets her own counterpart,
and I haven’t seen one short person in this city….
Crushed AND Tiger Lass (Simultaneously): SHUT
UP SHORTY!
The two then look at each other, even more confused.
Red: ……..Whoah…
Tiger Lass: This is weird. It’s like I’m…..
Crushed: Looking into a mirror?
Tiger Lass: ……..yeah……
Gretchin: Aw, you two aren’t sisters?
Tiger Lass: No, I don’t even have a sister.
Crushed: Neither do I. Hell, I don’t even come
from around here!
Tiger Lass: You don’t?
Crushed: Nope. Let me explain…
Before she has a chance to start explaining, Weasel
Boy and Mighty Yak, in full costume except for their masks, walk
in.
Weasel Boy: Man, just when you think Avatar couldn’t
get any more annoying, she gets to thinking she is the god of……
Weasel Boy completely freezes when he sees Crushed
and Tiger Lass standing next to each other. He doesn’t move, but
he gets an extremely confused look on his face. As his mind tries
to process what he is looking at, Mighty Yak continues to walk.
Mighty Yak: Well, I’m tired. I’m going right to
sleep.
He turns to Tiger Lass
Mighty Yak: Goodnight Tiger Lass.
He then turns to Crushed
Mighty Yak: Goodnight Tiger Lass.
He walks around them, and heads up the stairs.
Crushed and Tiger Lass look at him going up, then at each other,
then back at Weasel Boy. Weasel Boy still has an extremely confused
look on his face, as he tries to comprehend what he is seeing.
Weasel Boy: But one……..one…now two? How….why….where…….uh……
He slowly walks over and sits down on the couch.
He takes a few deep breaths.
Weasel Boy: I’m going to say this calmly and slowly……WHAT
THE **** IS GOING ON?
Gretchen: Calm down, Owen, she’s about to tell
us.
So, Crushed, Red, and Knaw tell their whole story
again. When it’s finished…
Weasel Boy: So you’re essentially from another
world, got transported here, and you’re here for 24 hours?
Red: Actually, now it’s more like 20 hours, I
think….
Weasel Boy: And you (Pointing to Crushed) are
not related to Tiger Lass, it’s just a coincidence that you look
just like her?
Crushed: Yeah, I guess.
Weasel Boy: Are you SURE?
Crushed: Pretty much.
Weasel Boy: Are you 100%, completely, positively,
absolutely…
Crushed: I’M NOT RELATED TO HER!
Weasel Boy: Ok. Just checking.
Gretchen: So you three girls need a place to stay
overnight? We’d be happy to give you a room. Now that I think about
it, we have a free room upstairs next to mine…….Oh wait, that’s
where I keep my Costumes.
Red: What costumes?
Gretchen: Oh, well, you see….
Weasel Boy jumps over and clasps his hands over
Gretchen’s mouth. Meanwhile, Tiger Lass goes over to the girls
and whispers what Gretchen was going to say in the most polite
way possible.
Crushed: You mean she……..and a secretary……..and………with
a watermelon? Ewwwww…
Red: AWESOME! I had a feeling I would like this
place…
Knaw: Shut the hell up for once, Tubby Bitch.
Gretchen: Anyway, you can use the empty room next
to Owen’s. Carmel Heap will show you to it.
The three girls turn around to see Carmel Heap
entering the room. He stands there for a second. The girls look
at him, but don’t scream.
Weasel Boy: …you’re not shocked by the fact that
there’s a creature made entirely out of Caramel?
Knaw: Nah, we’ve seen weirder stuff here. The
two bitches who wanted to have an orgy with us were pretty weird…
Crushed: And that giant hamster was just plain
crazy…
Red doesn’t say anything. She’s too busy looking
at the large mass of caramel, with hearts in her eyes.
Red: He looks so……..tasty……..
Weasel Boy: Uh, you can’t eat him, he’s radioactive…
Red: Aw nuts.
Carmel Heap takes our adventurers up to their
room, where they find three beds. As they change into some pajamas
provided for them…
Crushed: I am actually starting to like this place.
Knaw: WHAT? After everything that happened to
us?
Crushed: Yeah.
Red: Me too. This place is kinda cool.
Knaw: ……...After all the screaming and falling
and pain here?
Crushed: Well, yeah, but there have been some
cool things here too.
Knaw: Like what?
Crushed: Well Buxom Gal was pretty nice, same
with these guys, and that naked guy who crashed into our table
was……..wow……
Red: Also, Horn Dog and Slut Puppy seem nice enough.
And I’d like to get on Mad Dr. Nesbit’s good side to get to that
doughnut machine. And I’d DEFINITELY like to get to know Gretchen
well.
Knaw: ……..you guys are so damn weird sometimes…..
The three then get in bed, and fall asleep almost
immediately.
A FEW HOURS LATER….
Red: Psssst. Crushed?
Crushed: yeah?
Red: I can’t sleep.
Crushed: Neither can I. It’s just weird sleeping
in a new bed, in a different house, in a different world………
Red: Wanna go on a walk or something?
Crushed: Is Knaw up?
Red: No, she’s still asleep.
Crushed: Great. Let’s go.
Crushed and Red quietly put on their clothes,
and leave Vayne Manor to walk around town. It’s about 2:30 AM.
Red: Wow. Normally it’s busy here, but at night,
it’s so quiet.
Crushed: Yeah. Let’s see if anyone is still up.
Red and Crushed start on their short walk. They
try to stay pretty close to Vayne Manor so they won’t get lost
again.
Red: I’m hungry. Wanna see if we can find a restaurant
or something?
Crushed: Sure.
The two walk a bit, before finding a small restaurant
called “The Greasy Kiwi”
Crushed: What is it with this place and Kiwis?
Red: Kiwi’s are Supermegatopia’s main resource.
The number of Kiwis outnumbers the population. In fact, Kiwi’s
make up for about 95% of all exports from SMT.
Crushed: Um, how did you know that?
Red holds up a small book called “Doorway to Supermegatopia:
Kiwi Capital of the World”
Red: I picked it up at the Clothes Store we went
to.
Crushed: And you haven’t told us about it?
Red: You never asked.
Crushed: …..for the love of…….let’s just go in.
Before they go in, they see the main chef. He
is really fat, and as he is cooking some burgers, he is picking
his nose at the same time.
Red: ….Suddenly, I’ve lost my appetite.
Crushed: Yeah.
The two continue past the restaurant. As they
walk, they hear something in an ally. They look in, and see a SMT
Terrorist threatening a helpless citizen. The terrorist is waving
a knife as well.
Crushed: Who is that?
Red flips through the guide book.
Red: It’s an SMT terrorist. There seem to be an
endless number of them, so it’s OK to kill one.
Crushed: Really? Cool. Let’s go get him!
Red: Wait! Let me.
Crushed: What?
Red: I want to try out a new spell.
Crushed: New Spell?
Red: Yeah. I’ve been practicing in private. It’s
really cool.
Crushed: What is it? A Laser? A huge fireball?
A Plasma Sword?
Red: Just watch. And stand back a bit.
Crushed, looking a bit skeptical, steps back.
Red thinks a bit, then closes her eyes and tilts her head down.
She quietly begins to chant something. As she does, her entire
body suddenly glows brightly. Crushed takes a few more steps back.
She then notices something weird: The glowing figure of Red seems
to be changing. Mainly, Red’s body appears to be getting…..thinner?
Well, at least it looks that way. It’s hard to see, because Red’s
entire body is glowing. Crushed looks a bit closer….yeah, Red does
appear to be getting thinner! Not only that, but her hair is getting
shorter too. Finally, Red stops glowing. Crushed looks, and nearly
falls over in shock. Red has suddenly become thin. Not only thin,
but in pretty good shape, too! Also, her hair is a lot shorter.
As Crushed goes wide eyed, Red looks at herself and smiles.
Red: It worked! Great!
Crushed: What the…..
Red: It’s this great spell I made. It transforms
me back to my old, athletic body.
Crushed: You mean before I met you?
Red: Yeah. Only problem with this spell is that
it only lasts for 5 minutes. So I have to be quick. Just stand
back, let me see if I still got it.
Red cracks her knuckles a bit, and runs into the
ally. She quickly ducks behind some trash cans, still keeping an
eye on the Terrorist. Crushed watches, pretty amazed at Red. Red,
in one swift motion, jumps from behind the trash cans she is behind,
does a flip in mid air, lands in a somersault position, and somersaults
behind some boxes, closer to the terrorist.
Crushed: wow….
Red then peaks her head out, and looks at the
terrorist, who is waving the knife in the citizen’s face. Out of
nowhere, Red jumps from behind the boxes, and runs at the terrorist.
In one swift motion, she grabs the knife, and continues running,
straight for the wall. The terrorist turns and runs at Red. Red
then jumps, plants her feet on the wall, and kicks off it. She
does a backflip, goes over the terrorist, and on the way down,
elbow’s the terrorist in the head. The terrorist goes down, but
quickly gets back up. He has an angry look in his eyes, and he
rushes towards Red. Red looks above her, and sees a pipe. She takes
the knife that she stole from the terrorist, and jams it into the
pipe. Just before the Terrorist hits her, she grabs onto the knife
and uses it to hoist herself up, and the terrorist runs headfirst into the wall. The terrorist stumbles back, and Red hooks her legs
around the Terrorist’s neck. She lets go of the knife, and drops
down, pulling the terrorist head first into the wall. The terrorist
is Completely KO’d, as the citizen thanks Red. Crushed starts applauding
a bit.
Crushed: Wow. That was awesome.
Red: Thanks.
Crushed: Why don’t you just stay in that form
all the time?
Red: I can only do it for 5 minutes every 10 hours.
It takes a LOT of energy to do.
Crushed: Dang. Well, let’s get back to the house.
I’m tired.
After getting back to the house (By this time,
Red has returned to her normal form). They go back to their room,
and sneak in to avoid waking Knaw up.
Crushed: I’m still pretty amazed by that athletic
stuff you did back there. It was awesome.
Red: Would you say it was (She smiles) Inc-RED-ible?
Red giggles at her own joke, as Crushed just looks
at her.
Crushed: Do me a favor, never tell that joke again.
Red: Aw come on, it wasn’t THAT bad….
Crushed: Yes it was. Now let’s get some sleep.
The two get back into bed, and fall asleep.
THE NEXT MORNING…..
The three girls wake up to the smell of breakfast.
They throw on some clothes, and go downstairs, to discover that
Gretchen has made a beautiful breakfast: eggs, toast, bacon, sausage,
everything. As they sit down to eat…
Gretchen: So how did you sleep? Was the room ok
for you?
Red: It was fine, thank you.
Knaw: Yeah.
Crushed: And thank you for the breakfast. So where
are Weasel Boy and Tiger Lass?
Gretchen: They always leave early. They have to
patrol the city. That’s what super heroes do.
Gretchen suddenly thinks of something.
Gretchen: OH! Before I forget, Crushed, I have
something for you.
Crushed: You do?
Gretchen walks out of the room, but she continues
talking
Gretchen: We are having a Garage Sale today. We
were going to give this away, but I figured that you are an adventurer,
so you could use it.
Gretchen walks back into the room, and throws
a long, thin box at Crushed. She catches it, and opens it up. Inside
is a sword. It is crafted beautifully: The handle is made of a
material soft enough to grip, but hard enough not to wobble. There
are a few red jewels encrusted into the handle. The blade itself
is absolutely perfect. It is sharp enough to split a hair. It is
slightly curved to be able to get more speed when swinging it.
Crushed’s eyes light up when she sees it.
Gretchen: We’ve had it for quite some time. We
don’t have any use for it, but I’m sure you can.
Crushed: Wow. I’ve needed a new sword for a while.
Thank you so much! It’s perfect!
Crushed gets up, and starts practicing with it
a bit.
Gretchen: It’s no problem. Now you girls can go
sight seeing for a while, and feel free to come back here if you
need anything.
The three girls leave the house, with Crushed
still swinging her new sword around.
Knaw: So how much time do we have left before
we get the hell outta here?
Red: I think about 2 hours. Yeah, that sounds
about right.
Crushed: Well let’s go look around some more.
The three walk back into town, and start looking
for pretty much anything fun to do. Eventually, they find a HUGE
outdoor market called “The Kiwi Market” (Clever, Huh?). There are
literally hundreds of stands, each one selling food or clothes
or what not.
Red: Ooooh, this place is cool!
Crushed: I’ve never seen anything like this back
in Char-mon!
Knaw: They’d better sell weapons…
The three are about to start looking around, when
they hear a loud crash. They turn around, to se Dr. Ghoti, who
has destroyed a stand for hot dogs. He laughs evilly.
Crushed: Um, is that a fish on the head of a robot?
Red: Yeah.
Crushed: Just checking.
Dr. Ghoti: HA HA, Evil Land Dwellers! Soon I,
Dr. Ghoti, will flood Supermegatopia, once again reclaiming it
from you land dwellers!
As Dr. Ghoti laughs more…
Red: So, how do we take down this guy?
Crushed: I’ll use logic. Just follow me.
The three of them walk calmly up to Dr. Ghoti,
who is still laughing.
Crushed: Um, hey fish head!
Dr. Ghoti, with anger in his eyes (if fish could
get angry looks in their eyes), turns to Crushed
Dr. Ghoti: How DARE You, Land Dweller!
Crushed: Listen, you want to flood the earth,
correct?
Dr. Ghoti: Of course!
Crushed: And I understand why. You’re a fish.
Dr. Ghoti: Of course!
Crushed: But…you do realize you’re on a robot
body, right?
Dr. Ghoti: Well, yes.
Crushed: Now, does electricity and water mix well?
Dr. Ghoti: Of course not! Everybody knows that
Electricity and Water mixed produce disastrous consequences.
Crushed: Well, if the earth floods, that means
your robot body will be covered in water, malfunctioning it, and
probably electrocuting you. So why would you want to flood the
earth if it means your death?
Dr. Ghoti stands there for a minute, lost in confusion.
Finally, he walks away, grumbling “Damnit….I hate when people use
logic”
Red: Wow. How the hell do you do that?
Crushed: When you have a tendency to die all the
time, like I do, you have to improve your intelligence to get out
of situations.
As she says this, she turns to walk away, and
slams her head into a lamp post.
Crushed: oooouch…..
Knaw: Intelligence, huh Dead Kitty?
Crushed: Shut…..up…Knaw…..
Red: Can we please go shopping now? This place
looks awesome!
Once Crushed recovers from walking into the pole,
the girls start shopping. But before they get very far….
CRASH
Crushed: Oh God WHAT NOW???
The three look towards the sound of the crash,
to see that Wonder Wombat (The male version) has crashed through
a stand. He slowly stands up, and brushes himself off.
Wonder Wombat: Damn Dr. Ghoti. Why is he in such
a pissed off mood?
He turns to the three girls. Immediately, the
“Hunk-Alarm” goes off in both Crushed and Knaw’s minds.
Wonder Wombat: You girls ok?
Red: Yeah, they’re fine. I think they just think
you’re hot.
Wonder Wombat: Yeah, I get that a lot.
Wonder Wombat walks off, saying to himself “Damn
I’m sexy” with Knaw and Crushed still in hypnotic trances, staring
at him.
Knaw: Wow……..maybe this place isn’t as bad as
I thought…
Crushed: You got that right….
Knaw and Crushed then look at each other for a
few seconds.
Knaw: Back off, Kitty Bitch! He was looking at
ME!
Crushed: No way, Shorty! Why would he be interested
in someone who doesn’t even come up to his KNEES?
Red: Girls, can we please stop fighting?
Crushed and Knaw: SHUT UP TUBBY!
Red: ……..ok…….
BOOM
In the distance, there is yet another explosion.
But it’s way off in the distance. They can just barely see some
smoke.
Knaw: The hell was that?
Crushed: Dunno, let’s go check it out!
Red: Crushed, it’s been really annoying here,
can we please just go back to Vayne Manor?
Crushed: No way. Come on, girls, where’s your
spirit of adventure?
Knaw: You’re going to get us killed, Kitty Bitch!
We’ve already gone almost 24 hours without dying, I think that’s
some kind of record for us. Let’s quit while we’re ahead!
Crushed: Look, do you girls even WANT The Experience?
I mean, Knaw, how close are you to getting that new knife boomerang
skill?
Knaw: Now that you mention it, I only need about
120 more exp….
Crushed: And Red, how about you? You have that
awesome spell you showed me last night. The more exp you have,
I bet you can make it even more powerful. Hell, you could probably
make it last longer!
Red: Hey, Yeah!!
Knaw: What spell?
Red: Nothing. Let’s go check it out.
The three girls rush to see what the explosion
was. After a few minutes of running (And a brief rest period),
the three finally arrive at the scene. There, they find a HUGE
battle going on. The Metallurgist has developed a set of power
armor, with cool laser beams and death rays and what not, and is
destroying everything in her path. The Offenders are trying to
defeat her, but to no avail.
Metallurgist: Fools! You are trying to defeat
me? My new Power Armor is invulnerable to ALL energy attacks! Go
on, just TRY to stop me!
She shoots a laser directly into Captain Kiwi,
who goes flying through a brick wall. The girls have taken some
shelter behind a stack of barrels.
Red: Is this that Metallurgist person Buxom Gal
told us about?
Crushed: I guess. Now how do we take her down?
Knaw: Well, she did say that she was immune to
Energy, right? That doesn’t mean she’s immune to good ol’ fashioned
hand to hand combat!
Crushed: You’re right! Red! Can you do your spell
again?
Red: No, It hasn’t been 10 hours yet! If only
there was some way to get a quick burst of energy….
Suddenly, by Coincidence (No, really!), a woman
crashes next to them. She gets up and brushes herself off. She
looks up, and sees a laser beam headed right towards her. She dives
out of the way, and hides behind the barrels with Crushed, Red,
and Knaw.
Woman: Man, that was close!
Crushed: Who are you?
Woman: Blood Witch, official “Babe” of The Offenders,
and master of all things magic.
Red goes wide eyed.
Red: Master of Magic?
Blood Witch: Yup.
Red: I also do magic, and I need a power spell.
Blood Witch: Power Spell?
Red: I have this spell which changes my form for
five minutes. But I can only use it every 10 hours, and I have
already used it in the last 10 hours.
Blood Witch: Say no more. Hang on a second….
Blood Witch raises her arms, and zaps Red with
a beam of light.
Blood Witch: Next time you use the spell, it should
last for 15 minutes. And you can use it now if you want. Now I
have to go back to the fight.
Red: Thanks!
Blood Witch: No problem.
With that, Blood Witch dives back to the battle
scene, but is immediately knocked down by a laser from Metallurgist.
Red: Ok, here it goes. Back me up!
Crushed: Definitely.
Knaw: What are you going to do, Tubby Bitch?
Red, ignoring Knaw, steps out from behind the
barrels and walks forward a bit. Metallurgist hasn’t noticed her
yet.
Red (Yelling to Metallurgist): HEY METAL-ASS!
Metallurgist turns around, an angry look in her
eyes.
Metallurgist: Who Said That?
Red (Waving): That was me, over here Tin Tits!
Metallurgist: AND WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU
ARE? Are you some kind of “New” Superhero?
Red: Yeah, you could say that! Just call me…..
(Red thinks for a second, then smiles)
Red: Just call me “The Inc-RED-Ible!”
Behind the barrels, Crushed buries her face in
her right hand.
Crushed: She just HAD to use that damn joke, didn’t
she….
Red: So I’m here to put a stop to you!
Metallurgist: YOU? I’m wearing my new super power
suit, and you’re just a fat tub of lard! How the hell do you expect
to beat me like THAT?
Red: I DON’T expect to beat you like this.
Red then looks down, closes her eyes, and starts
chanting. As she does, her body glows brightly again, the same
way Crushed saw her last night. Knaw is confused as hell. Finally,
as Red stops glowing, she is once again in her old, athletic, fit
body. Crushed smiles, while Knaw goes wide eyed.
Red: I do, however, expect to beat you like THIS!
Knaw: Whata……how…….whe…….ehn………howda…….when’d....Where?
Crushed: That’s her new spell! It transforms her
into her old, athletic form!
Knaw: Wow……….and all this time I thought she was
just making those stories about being thin up……..
Red: So, how about you just give up now?
Metallurgist: Big words from a….well.. FORMALLY
big lady. But no chance in hell I’m giving up! I’ll just take your
ass down!
Metallurgist and Red run at each other, and Metallurgist
shoots a laser! Red jumps, does a flip over the laser, and lands
right behind Metallurgist. Red tries to elbow Metallurgist, but
she grabs Red’s arm, and throws her towards a brick wall. Red repositions
herself in mid air, plants her feet on the wall, and kicks off
it, directly back at Metallurgist! The two meet again, and start
brawling back and forth! Metallurgist then backs off, and fires
another laser. Red does the splits, and the laser goes right above
her head. But when she gets up, Metallurgist SOCKS her in the face
with a hard punch! Red goes down, her jaw bleeding. Metallurgist
laughs.
Metallurgist: Ha! You thought you could beat me?
You are merely a gnat for me to squash on the way to destroying
Supermegatopia!
Metallurgist picks up Red, and starts pummeling
away at her. Meanwhile, behind the barrels….
Crushed: Gah! What are we going to do now?
Knaw: Damn………..WAIT! I got an idea!
Crushed looks at Knaw
Crushed: You? Have an Idea? YOU?
Knaw: Ha ha, very funny. Now listen up Dead Kitty….
Knaw whispers something into Crushed’s ear. Crushed
starts to smile.
Crushed: Not bad! I hope it works, though….
The two peak out from behind the barrels, to see
Metallurgist is turned away from them. Crushed quickly runs out
from behind the barrels, and hides behind a stack of boxes that’s
on a different side of Metallurgist. Knaw and Crushed look at each
other from across their areas. Finally, as Metallurgist turns her
back completely, they both nod their heads. Knaw, at full speed,
rushes out from behind the barrels. She runs up behind Metallurgist,
and, with all her might, kicks her between the legs!
Of course, this causes absolutely NO Pain to Metallurgist.
She turns around, an annoyed look on her face, and looks down at
Knaw.
Metallurgist: Uh…….what did you try to do?
Knaw: I kicked you in the nuts!
Metallurgist: You DO realize that I’m a woman,
right?
Knaw: Yup.
Metallurgist: AND that I don’t have “Nuts”?
Knaw: I know.
Metallurgist: So you kicked me between the legs,
expecting me to be hurt?
Knaw: Nope.
Metallurgist: Then why the hell did you?
Knaw: Distraction.
Just as she says this, Crushed jumps out from
behind the boxes. She takes her new sword, and throws it at Metallurgist.
Metallurgist: Distrac…..oh bugger!
Metallurgist turns around, and sees the sword
flying at her. She tries to move out of the way, and does a bit,
so the Sword scrapes against the front of her armor, but doesn’t
go completely through. The Sword falls to the ground. Metallurgist
laughs.
Metallurgist: HA! A smart-Ish plan, but obviously
a failure! As you can see, the sword has not hurt me at all! And
now, I am going to…..to…….what the…..
Metallurgist looks down at her armor, which she
sees is beginning to crack. It cracks up a bit, before completely
shattering. Her entire armor suit shatters, revealing a tiny top
and an even tinier thong under it. Other than those and her mask,
that’s all Metallurgist is wearing at this point. She goes a bit
red.
Metallurgist: GAH! OF ALL THE ******* DAYS TO
WEAR THIS!
Metallurgist reaches down and grabs a piece of
metal. She uses it to cover herself up the best she can (Which
isn’t very well), and runs off. The Offenders all look at our three
heroines (Red has slowly gotten back up)
Thunder Dog: Thou hast verily vanquished the evil
doer. Thou art truly powerful felines.
Knaw: Uh…….what?
Blood Witch: He said you did a good job.
Red: Oh. Well, thanks. We were just doing what
anybody would do, I guess.
Captain Kiwi: You know, we HAVE been looking for
some new members to our group….
She Male: We have?
Captain Kiwi (Elbowing She Male): YES, we have.
So what do you think? Would you like to join us?
Crushed: Sorry, but we won’t be here for very
long. Right Red?
Crushed looks over to Red. Red is scratching Hell
Kitty’s belly, with Hell Kitty purring.
Red: Look how cute she is.
She Male: Uh, I would be careful if I were you…..
Red: Aw, she looks pretty harmless to me. Aren’t
you harmless, widdle baby?
Hell Kitty opens her eyes and glares at Red
Captain Kiwi: Seriously, don’t do that….
Red (Obviously not listening): Aren’t you a widdle
baby? Yes you are! Yes you are! Who’s a widdle cutie pie baby?
Who’s a little…
Hell Kitty latches onto Red’s face and starts
clawing at her head. Red starts screaming.
Red: AAHHHH GET HER OFF GET HER OFF!
She Male: Who’s turn is it this week?
Thunder Dog: Ah, tis my turn to save someone from
the demon kitty from hell. How this doth hurt so badly….
ABOUT AN HOUR LATER….
Gretchen: Hold still, dear, or it’s going to sting
even more!
Our adventurers are back at Vayne Manor. Gretchen
is applying some rubbing alcohol to Red’s face to treat all the
cuts she got in her fight with Metallurgist. Knaw and Crushed are
waiting in the living room.
Red: So, girls, how was I?
Crushed: You were great! You put up one hell of
a fight!
Knaw: But, of course, thanks to MY heroic efforts, this town was
saved!
Crushed: YOUR efforts? It was MY sword that got
her down!
Knaw: But who distracted her?
Red: Girls, you’re forgetting who the hell was
the one to originally challenge Metall…..YEOW!
Gretchen: I Told you not to move around! Now be
silent, I’m almost done.
As she says this, the front door opens, and in
walks Weasel Boy and Tiger Lass.
Weasel Boy: Oh hey, you guys are back!
Crushed: Yeah, but not for long. Our 24 hours
here are pretty much up. We’re just waiting for a portal or something….
Tiger Lass: Hey, I heard you girls saved the city
from the Metallurgist. Is that true?
Crushed: Yup! We kicked her ass.
Weasel Boy: Wow. I heard that with her new armor,
she was unstoppable. You guys must be GREAT Adventurers!
Crushed: Yeah, we’re experts in our field.
Knaw: Course, Kitty Bitch is forgetting that her
“field” consists of dying multiple times a day!
Crushed: ……….Shut up Knaw….
As she says this, Red comes into the room. Her
face is bandaged up a bit.
Red: Guys, are you all ready? We’re going to be
going back any minute.
Knaw: Yeah, we’re all ready.
Crushed: I’m really going to miss this place….
Red: Yeah, me too.
Knaw: Here they go again….Are you two even glad
to finally be getting the hell home?
Crushed: Well, yeah, but this place is cool too!
I’d love to come back here again. I’d like to see more of that
naked guy and that muscular guy…..(Sigh)
Red: The Doughnut machine is cool too. And I’d
love to hang out with Gretchen more…
Gretchen just smiles.
Knaw: Whatever…..you two really freak me out sometimes……
BOOM
Everyone in the room is blown back a bit as a
large portal seems to appear in the middle of the room. Through
it, you see what looks like the inside of a circular temple.
Crushed: There it is!
Red: Well, I guess this is it. (She turns to Weasel
Boy and Company) It’s been fun! Thanks for letting us stay!
Gretchen: It’s nothing, dear. Just try to one
day come visit us again!
Tiger Lass: See you guys!
Crushed: Bye!
The three girls turn around, and jump through
the portal. As it closes, they see that they are back in the Temple
of Infinite Lives. In front of them is the High Priest.
High Priest: Ahh, girls, you are back. We’ve been
waiting for you.
Crushed: Hey Priest. I’m guessing the regenerator
is fixed?
Priest: Yes girls. But where did you end up for
those 24 hours you were gone?
Knaw: Some crappy town called Megatopisuperia.
Red: Uh, it was called Supermegatopia.
Priest: Oh….really?
Crushed: Yeah.
Priest: Well, did you girls learn anything from
this whole experience?
Crushed: Uh, isn’t it your job to tell us that?
Priest: Yes, but I can’t think of anything right
now…….
Crushed: Fine fine….let’s see………I guess I learned
to be more careful. That place was dangerous!
Red: Yeah, I agree. I think that from now on,
we should be a LOT more careful.
Priest: Good. Now run along girls!
Crushed: Let’s get home. I want to see if this
sword has any spells on it.
The three girls leave the temple.
10 MINUTES LATER…..
The Priest is looking over some….uh….Priest-like
stuff. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees a shimmer of light.
He looks up to see the three girls sitting in the middle of the
regeneration circle.
Knaw: Dead Kitty, I TOLD YOU it was stupid to
keep your bowling ball collection that high up!
Crushed: But it was the only place I could think
of to store them!
Red: At the top of your closet on a sloping shelf?
The Priest sighs
Priest: I guess some things never change……
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