[This
is an alternate ending for "Easter Egg of Evil". Just an idea I had that sounded funny to me, so I wrote it out. It's exactly
the same up to the moment where Crushed shatters the wand over
her knee... ----- Kiz, 10/17/00]
Crushed breaks the wand over her knee... there's a little pop and
a puff of smoke, and she's still standing there, looking singed
and a bit boggled, but otherwise unharmed.
Crushed: "Uh... that wasn't what I was
expecting..."
Villain: "You know how it is... you
keep collecting these discharged wands from dead adventurers, you
always mean to get them recharged, and you never seem to get around
to it. I must have a couple of dozen of the things lying around
the lab."
Crushed: "Um... Heh. Oops."
Villain: "Oops, indeed. Why don't
you explain your little escapade to the goblins? I'm sure they'll
get a kick out of it."
Crushed (scooped up by magical energies and hurtling
off): "Eep!"
Red-Stephie (hanging outside and looking down): "Oh,
great... um... I guess we could just let go..."
Maid (hanging from Red-Stephie): "Are
you crazy?"
Red-Stephie: "It'll only hurt
for a second..."
Maid: "I'm not a hero, I'm an NPC! I'll
be dead!"
Red-Stephie: "Well, then, uh...
GLUK!" (magical energies seize them both)
Villain: "Trying to get my maiden
killed, eh? Why don't you both make yourselves comfortable while
I work?"
Red-Stephie and the maid find themselves shackled
to the wall, spread-eagled.
Red-Stephie: "Um... these manacles
kind of chafe..."
Cut to Crushed's eyes... surrounded by complete
darkness. She steps forward into a shaft of light and looks up.
She sees a dim circle of light, high overhead.
Crushed: "Oh, boy. That's quite a
climb."
Lots of eyes open up in the darkness around her.
Crushed: "Um... hello?"
Lots of smiling, toothy mouths appear underneath
the eyes.
Goblins: "Skrzglk!" "Skrzglk!" "Skrzglk!" "Skrzglk!" "Skrzglk!" "Skrzglk!"
Crushed is surrounded by toothy, smiling goblins.
They're slightly shorter than her, and rather repulsive. They leer
at her, while she tries kind of vainly to cover her nakedness with
her hands.
Goblins: "Skrzglk!" "Vzkl!" "Glmghl!"
Crushed: "So, um... any of you happen
to speak any Common?"
Goblin (uncertainly): "Kit-ty?"
Other Goblins (enthusiastically): "Kitty!" "Kitty!" "Kitty!" "Kitty!" "Kitty!"
Crushed (looking a little relieved): "Yeah,
that's right. I'm a kitty... sort of."
The goblins crowd closer, really making Crushed
uncomfortable.
Goblins: "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Pussy!"
Crushed (squirming): "Um...
let's go back to kitty, okay?"
Up above the darkened pit, the Villain stares
down in satisfaction.
Crushed (from below): "Hey,
watch those hands! Hey! Cut it out! Stop it!"
Goblins (from below): "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Pussy!"
The Villain walks back into his lab and turns
to Red-Stephie and the maid.
Villain: "Well, it sounds like your
little friend is getting better acquainted with my goblins. They
should take the spunk out of her."
Red-Stephie: "Grr..."
Villain: "I'm just kidding, of course."
Maid: "Really?"
Villain: "Actually, I expect she'll
be dripping with spunk once they're through with her."
Maid: "THAT'S HORRID!"
Villain: "Oh, like I'd do anything
else. I'm a villain for evil's sake. I'm supposed to do horrid things to people. It's my job."
Red-Stephie: "There are openings
at Burger-Rama, y'know."
Villain (laughs): "I think
I'll stick to conquering the world, thank you."
Villain: "Now that you're suitably
restrained and your little friend is being... suitably 'entertained',
I think it's time for my grand triumph!"
Weird energies scoop up the ingredients into
a big spiral, focused on the maid. The Big Spell™ begins...
Red-Stephie: "Oh, boy..."
Maid: "Oh, shit!"
Villain: "Quiet, please. This is the
most fragile part of the entire spell..."
Cut back to the pit. Oddly, instead of a scene
of horrific debauchery or a life-or-death struggle, you see Crushed
helping the goblins form a human (well, goblin) pyramid reaching
up towards the top of the pit.
Crushed: "That's
it... Just a little higher..."
Back up top, an image of the Temple appears in
the center of the spell.
Villain: "Ah, yes... all these years of
work... are about to pay off."
Villain: "Soon you foolish heroes
will be just as mortal as my minions... but don't worry, I'll make sure that you all die
a lot faster than my minions do."
Villain: "Wait... something's wrong...
oh, yes, of course. In all the excitement, I nearly forgot a vital
step."
Villain coughs into his... well, hand, and clears
his throat.
Villain: "Ahem... Bwa-ha-*choke*."
Villain: "Excuse me, I'm a little
out of practice... Bwa-ha... (cough) Bwa-ha-ha-ha-HA-HA-HA!"
Villain: "There. Sorry, it's just
not a proper victory without the maniacal laughter... I... HEY!"
Crushed is standing next to the spiraling energies.
The Wyvern Egg is seen bobbing up and down in the middle of it.
Villain: "How did you... how? What?"
Crushed: "This is the most fragile part
of your whole spell, right?"
Crushed reaches out towards the Wyvern Egg. The
Villain's eyes widen in fear.
Villain: "Don't... you'll disrupt..."
There is a tremendous kaboom, which blows out
the windows of the tower.
Crushed is standing by a pile of empty, smoking
robes. In the background, goblins are helping unchain Red-Stephie
and the maid.
Red-Stephie: "Feedback's a bitch,
ain't it?"
Crushed (smiling): "You
know it."
The three girls are now standing around, surrounded
by the smiling, happy-looking goblins, who outnumber them at least
three to one.
Red-Stephie: "Wow. So how did
you convince the goblins to help us?"
Goblin: "Eep-Sklz!"
Crushed: "Well... goblins aren't too
bright, but I was finally able to get a, uh... simple idea across
to them."
Red-Stephie (looking at the goblins uncertainly): "What
was that?"
Goblins: "Pussy good!" "Pussy
good!" "Pussy good!"
Maid (looking moved): "That
you're the good guy? Aw... that's so..."
Goblins (together): "But
THREE PUSSY BETTER!"
The girls are now really crowded
close together, surrounded by far-too-friendly-looking goblins
who are leering and trying to feel them up.
Red-Stephie (aghast and trying to keep grasping
hands off of her body): "THAT was your big proposal? I think I'd rather've been blown up!"
Crushed (also trying to deal with grabby goblins): "Well,
we've got two options left..."
Crushed: "Either we learn to say 'Not
tonight, I have a headache' in Goblin..."
All three girls are running full tilt down a
corridor, pursued by angry and cheated-looking goblins...
Crushed: "Or we RUN FOR
IT!"
Goblins: "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Pussy
come BAAAACK!"
Cut to the outside of the tower. You can still
hear faint sounds coming from inside.
"Not that way!" "Look out!" "CRASH!
*tinkle*" "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Gangway!"
THE END
|