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Phil
Real Name: Phorest Irving Lemonberg Occupation: Druid/Cubicle Monkey Base of Operations: the Bachlorville Apartments, Norport Marital Status: Swinging Single It was all going so well for Phorest. He had a well-paying job filling out paperwork that must have been good for something – they paid for it after all. Why would someone be put into a six by six cubicle for eight hours a day if not to serve some greater purpose? Best of all, he was getting free coffee and doughnuts; and on casual Friday's he could wear jeans! As he went to elevator to drop off some things in the mailroom one day, it hit him: The doors opened to reveal a pair of his coworkers REALLY enjoying their elevator ride. The image burned into his head as he wondered what sort of people would do something like that – and in that in a public place too! "Sure, it was not a bad thing," he told himself. "Why, he himself hoped to get into one or two of those positions someday. However, at the moment, he was too busy with work to go out and find that right woman." Ah, the lies we tell ourselves… The image continued to linger as the weeks drifted by. He would find himself looking over paperwork and suddenly find the numbers and letters "getting it on" before his eyes. Even the company logo started doing dirty things to itself. It reached the point where he had to put away a family photograph for fear of what the people in the picture might start doing. Especially when he started wondering, just what his sister would be doing in it… Then one weekend during a company retreat to further teamwork, Phil became separated from the group. This is a nice way of saying, "While taking a leak, he slipped and rolled down a hill." Fortunately, his embarrassing roll brought him (with his pants around his ankles) into a circle of druids who could tend to his wounds… among other things. You know the sort of ceremony we mean: The kind that people say is dirty and wrong, while in the back of their mind a naughty little spot smiles because they'd like to see if it's true or not – and maybe join in. A whole lotta action later, Phil was the man we now know and love (or fear). Feel free to take your pick.
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