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Alternate Ending
[This is an alternate ending for "Easter Egg of Evil". Just an idea I had that sounded funny to me, so I wrote it out. It's exactly the same up to the moment where Crushed shatters the wand over her knee... ----- Kiz, 10/17/00] Crushed breaks the wand over her knee... there's a little pop and a puff of smoke, and she's still standing there, looking singed and a bit boggled, but otherwise unharmed. Crushed: "Uh... that wasn't what I was expecting..." Villain: "You know how it is... you keep collecting these discharged wands from dead adventurers, you always mean to get them recharged, and you never seem to get around to it. I must have a couple of dozen of the things lying around the lab." Crushed: "Um... Heh. Oops." Villain: "Oops, indeed. Why don't you explain your little escapade to the goblins? I'm sure they'll get a kick out of it." Crushed (scooped up by magical energies and hurtling off): "Eep!" Red-Stephie (hanging outside and looking down): "Oh, great... um... I guess we could just let go..." Maid (hanging from Red-Stephie): "Are you crazy?" Red-Stephie: "It'll only hurt for a second..." Maid: "I'm not a hero, I'm an NPC! I'll be dead!" Red-Stephie: "Well, then, uh... GLUK!" (magical energies seize them both) Villain: "Trying to get my maiden killed, eh? Why don't you both make yourselves comfortable while I work?" Red-Stephie and the maid find themselves shackled to the wall, spread-eagled. Red-Stephie: "Um... these manacles kind of chafe..." Cut to Crushed's eyes... surrounded by complete darkness. She steps forward into a shaft of light and looks up. She sees a dim circle of light, high overhead. Crushed: "Oh, boy. That's quite a climb." Lots of eyes open up in the darkness around her. Crushed: "Um... hello?" Lots of smiling, toothy mouths appear underneath the eyes. Goblins: "Skrzglk!" "Skrzglk!" "Skrzglk!" "Skrzglk!" "Skrzglk!" "Skrzglk!" Crushed is surrounded by toothy, smiling goblins. They're slightly shorter than her, and rather repulsive. They leer at her, while she tries kind of vainly to cover her nakedness with her hands. Goblins: "Skrzglk!" "Vzkl!" "Glmghl!" Crushed: "So, um... any of you happen to speak any Common?" Goblin (uncertainly): "Kit-ty?" Other Goblins (enthusiastically): "Kitty!" "Kitty!" "Kitty!" "Kitty!" "Kitty!" Crushed (looking a little relieved): "Yeah, that's right. I'm a kitty... sort of." The goblins crowd closer, really making Crushed uncomfortable. Goblins: "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Pussy!" Crushed (squirming): "Um... let's go back to kitty, okay?" Up above the darkened pit, the Villain stares down in satisfaction. Crushed (from below): "Hey, watch those hands! Hey! Cut it out! Stop it!" Goblins (from below): "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Pussy!" The Villain walks back into his lab and turns to Red-Stephie and the maid. Villain: "Well, it sounds like your little friend is getting better acquainted with my goblins. They should take the spunk out of her." Red-Stephie: "Grr..." Villain: "I'm just kidding, of course." Maid: "Really?" Villain: "Actually, I expect she'll be dripping with spunk once they're through with her." Maid: "THAT'S HORRID!" Villain: "Oh, like I'd do anything else. I'm a villain for evil's sake. I'm supposed to do horrid things to people. It's my job." Red-Stephie: "There are openings at Burger-Rama, y'know." Villain (laughs): "I think I'll stick to conquering the world, thank you." Villain: "Now that you're suitably restrained and your little friend is being... suitably 'entertained', I think it's time for my grand triumph!" Weird energies scoop up the ingredients into a big spiral, focused on the maid. The Big Spell™ begins... Red-Stephie: "Oh, boy..." Maid: "Oh, shit!" Villain: "Quiet, please. This is the most fragile part of the entire spell..." Cut back to the pit. Oddly, instead of a scene of horrific debauchery or a life-or-death struggle, you see Crushed helping the goblins form a human (well, goblin) pyramid reaching up towards the top of the pit. Crushed: "That's it... Just a little higher..." Back up top, an image of the Temple appears in the center of the spell. Villain: "Ah, yes... all these years of work... are about to pay off." Villain: "Soon you foolish heroes will be just as mortal as my minions... but don't worry, I'll make sure that you all die a lot faster than my minions do." Villain: "Wait... something's wrong... oh, yes, of course. In all the excitement, I nearly forgot a vital step." Villain coughs into his... well, hand, and clears his throat. Villain: "Ahem... Bwa-ha-*choke*." Villain: "Excuse me, I'm a little out of practice... Bwa-ha... (cough) Bwa-ha-ha-ha-HA-HA-HA!" Villain: "There. Sorry, it's just not a proper victory without the maniacal laughter... I... HEY!" Crushed is standing next to the spiraling energies. The Wyvern Egg is seen bobbing up and down in the middle of it. Villain: "How did you... how? What?" Crushed: "This is the most fragile part of your whole spell, right?" Crushed reaches out towards the Wyvern Egg. The Villain's eyes widen in fear. Villain: "Don't... you'll disrupt..." There is a tremendous kaboom, which blows out the windows of the tower. Crushed is standing by a pile of empty, smoking robes. In the background, goblins are helping unchain Red-Stephie and the maid. Red-Stephie: "Feedback's a bitch, ain't it?" Crushed (smiling): "You know it." The three girls are now standing around, surrounded by the smiling, happy-looking goblins, who outnumber them at least three to one. Red-Stephie: "Wow. So how did you convince the goblins to help us?" Goblin: "Eep-Sklz!" Crushed: "Well... goblins aren't too bright, but I was finally able to get a, uh... simple idea across to them." Red-Stephie (looking at the goblins uncertainly): "What was that?" Goblins: "Pussy good!" "Pussy good!" "Pussy good!" Maid (looking moved): "That you're the good guy? Aw... that's so..." Goblins (together): "But THREE PUSSY BETTER!" The girls are now really crowded close together, surrounded by far-too-friendly-looking goblins who are leering and trying to feel them up. Red-Stephie (aghast and trying to keep grasping hands off of her body): "THAT was your big proposal? I think I'd rather've been blown up!" Crushed (also trying to deal with grabby goblins): "Well, we've got two options left..." Crushed: "Either we learn to say 'Not tonight, I have a headache' in Goblin..." All three girls are running full tilt down a corridor, pursued by angry and cheated-looking goblins... Crushed: "Or we RUN FOR IT!" Goblins: "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Pussy come BAAAACK!" Cut to the outside of the tower. You can still hear faint sounds coming from inside. "Not that way!" "Look out!" "CRASH! *tinkle*" "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Pussy!" "Gangway!" THE END
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