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Crushed in Supermegatopia
by Botmaster2 Crushed: Ooooh, my head….. Crushed sits up, holding her head. Next to her, also starting to stir, are Red and Knaw. There is no Purity, as she is taking a “Vacation” from them (She’s probably tired of dying 10 times a day) Crushed: Man, that one really hurt. Knaw: Good plan, Tubby Bitch! Red: Shut up! It WAS a good plan! Crushed: Oh well, let’s get back to the house so we can… Crushed looks up, and goes wide eyed. She looks around her, pretty much stunned. Knaw and Red have started arguing, so they haven’t noticed yet. Knaw: We were so close too! But you HAD to have us go through that hallway, didn’t you Tubby? Red: Well I haven’t eaten since breakfast, and I thought I heard the sound of knives scraping against a plate. Crushed: Girls….. Knaw: Knives against plates? That was the sound of Knives being sharpened, about to come flying through the wall at our faces, Tubby Bitch! Red: How the hell was I supposed to know that? Knaw: YOU SHOULD KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FOOD KNIVES AND “STABYOU IN THE FACE” KNIVES TUBBY! Crushed: Girls…..! Red: Besides, you were the one who had to stop and kick that ogre in the nuts. If you didn’t do that, we might have made it out of there! Knaw: Hey, he looked at me funny. Red: That’s because you’re probably the smallest thing he’s ever seen! Crushed (Getting annoyed): Girls! Knaw: Then why didn’t he look at you, Tubby? He’s probably never seen anyone as Tubby as you! Red: I’m not tubby, I’m Reasonably Overweight. There’s a difference. Knaw: No there isn’t! Crushed (Screaming at the top of her lungs): GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Immediately, Red and Knaw stop arguing. They look at Crushed, who is glad she’s finally gotten their attention. Crushed: Have you two even BOTHERED to look around yet? Red and Knaw look around. Knaw: What the hell…… The three of them are sitting in an ally, next to some garbage cans. On either side of them are HUGE Buildings stretching high into the sky. There are a few clouds in the sky, but mostly it is a nice sunny day. Red: Where…….Are we? Crushed: Not sure, but it’s definitely not the Temple. Knaw: Quiet, I hear something! The three turn to one of the buildings, namely, a door. It opens, and out steps a worker, wearing a suit, carrying a garbage bag. Worker: Man, I hate garbage day…. The worker then sees Crushed, Red, and Knaw. Normally, when it is this workers day to take out the 2nd floor’s garbage, he is greeted by a rat or two, which he ignores. But this week, he is confronted by three feline women, naked, one short and one fat, sitting in the ally, staring at him. After standing there for a few seconds, he does what anybody would do if confronted by that situation: Worker: That’s it. I’m going home and throwing out all my alcohol. I’m starting to hallucinate… The worker opens the dumpster, and throws the garbage bag into it. He looks back at the three girls. Worker: Well go on, get out of here! I already know you’re fake! They just stare at him. Worker: Fine, I’ll do it myself. I’ll just put my hand through your face, and you’ll disappear. He walks over to Crushed, and moves his hand towards her face. His fingers poke her in the eyes. Crushed: OW! What the hell was that for? The worker now realizes they’re not hallucinations. With this realization, he does what anyone else would do: he screams and runs back into the building. Crushed (Rubbing eyes a bit): Um…….Now I’m really confused. Red: Agreed Knaw: Now how the hell did we get here? Crushed: I don’t know. I remember seeing the knifes flying towards me, and expecting to see the priest in a few seconds, but.. Red: ……oopps….. Crushed and Knaw stare at Red Crushed: Oopps? Why oopps? I know what usually comes when someone says oopps. I know what I’VE done when I’ve said oopps, and it usually involves falling a large distance or getting stabbed with something, now why are you saying it? Red: Well….heh heh…..I forgot to tell you guys that the priest told me something really important. Knaw: HOW important? Red: Uh, he told me this morning that there was a malfunction in the Regenerator, and that nobody was to die before it was fixed. He told me that if someone died, they would be regenerated, but in a completely different land, maybe even a completely different world, and be stuck there for about….uh….24 hours. Yeah, 24 hours. Knaw and Crushed stare at Red again, this time looking pretty angry. Red: Well….uh………at least it’s only 24 hours, right? Crushed tries to stay calm. Crushed: Uh….Red……It was an honest mistake. Everyone makes them, so we shouldn’t…… Knaw doesn’t bother to try to stay calm. Knaw: DAMN TUBBY BITCH I’M GONNA KILL YOU! Knaw leaps at Red, who ducks. Knaw crashes into the trash cans behind Red. Knaw: Oooooh………I’ll just kill you later, Tubby Bitch…. Crushed: Look, we have 24 hours here. Let’s go find a way to get some clothes, then find out where the hell we are. Red: Hey Look! Red points to outside the ally. Across the street is a store called “Kiwi Clothes”. The three of them finally get out of the ally, go across the street (with lots of people staring, after all, it’s three naked chicks walking across the street) and go into the store. They walk to the cashier. Cashier (Not looking at them yet): Hello, welcome to Kiwi Clothes, how may I help (Looks up at them) yooooOOOOOOWHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? Crushed: Uh, we need some clothes…. Cashier: Well I can see that! You can’t just come into this store not wearing anything! We have a strict clothes policy. Crushed: Wait, people have to wear clothes to get in the store, and yet you sell clothes. Don’t those kind of contradict each other? I mean, if you only let people who already have clothes into the store, why do they need to buy some? The Cashier stands there, blinking. She finally, grumbling, goes to the back of the store. Red: Wow. Nice one, Crushed. Crushed: Thanks. The Cashier comes back, holding a jumble of clothes. Cashier: Just take these, no charge. Just promise you won’t come back to this store…. Crushed: No problem. Thanks. A FEW MINUTES LATER: Dressed in new clothes (Just some casual wear by designer Calvin Kiwi-line), the girls walk out of the store. Red: Ok, now for the next important thing: I’m really hungry! We need to find a restaurant, and fast. Crushed: Yeah, I’m hungry too. Let’s try this street. The three of them get to a crosswalk, and stand in a crowd, waiting for the walk sign to turn on. While they are waiting, Knaw looks at a woman in the crowd. The three of them get to a crosswalk, and stand in a crowd, waiting for the walk sign to turn on. As they wait. Red: Uh oh, I just thought of something! Crushed: What? Red: Money! All we have is g, which I doubt will be worth much here. Knaw: Leave it to me, I'll get us some money. Knaw looks around, then finds what she is looking for: a wallet is sticking out slightly out of the back pocket of a woman's pants. Knaw sneaks over, and carefully starts to extract the woman's wallet. Crushed (In a whisper): Knaw! What the hell are you doing? Knaw (Not bothering to whisper): Solving our money problem, what does it look like? Crushed (Still whispering): Not like that. Knaw, I don't want to get into any trouble. Please.. Knaw (Even louder than before): Let me do my thing here! Voice: HEY! The three girls turn around to see Brute Force staring at them looking mighty pissed off. Brute Force: THAT'S MY WIFE'S WALLET YOU'RE TAKING! Crushed (Whispering again to Knaw): Great going, Knaw. Knaw (Directly to Brute Force): Oh come on, what is a Lunkhead like you going to do to us? KER-SLAMA-JAMA! Thanks to an insanely powerful punch by Brute Force, our heroines are now up in the air at a height usually reserved for birds, not cats. They all start screaming, of course. Crushed: RED DO SOME SORT OF SPELL NOW! Red: Uh……Oh I Know! Red chants something, and a blue light surrounds them. But they’re still flying fast. Crushed: Uh, what is that? Red: Well, it’s an anti-death spell. When we land, we won’t die. Knaw: Great, so we won’t be hurt at all. Red: No, it will hurt. Probably a lot. But we won’t die. Crushed: Oh, wonderful……. Knaw: OH HELL WE’RE GOING TO CRASH INTO THAT HOUSE! All three brace themselves (Well, as well as you can brace yourself for smashing through the roof of a house). They all hope that Red’s Death-stopper will work…. KER-SLAM-BLAMO-CRASH-CRUMPLE-TINKLE-Oooooohhhhhhh….. The three of them lie there, in a heap, all facing down. They are silent for a couple seconds, but finally… Crushed: Red, remind me to buy you a book about more advanced spells, like flying or anti-pain or something. Red: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now where are we? All I hear is running water…. Knaw: Did we land near a river or something? The three slowly sit up, to find that they are in a bathroom. Crushed: Well no wonder you hear water running, we’re in a bathroom. Knaw: But the sink isn’t on…… Red: Uh, girls? Knaw and Crushed turn around to see what Red is staring at. It’s the shower. Which is on. But probably the thing they notice most is the head poking through the curtains. It is a young feline, with medium length blonde hair. She stares at Red, Crushed, and Knaw, who stare back. Finally, the girl starts screaming, causing the three of them to start screaming too. Woman: GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BATHROOM! Crushed, Red, and Knaw all try to talk at the same time. Suddenly, the girl’s eyes light up. And not like the way people’s eyes light up when they get an idea or when they see someone they love. I mean her eyes ACTUALLY light up. She shoots a laser beam out of her eyes at them. They all scream (They’re getting used to screaming around here) and dive out of the way. The woman shoots another laser, and this time, the three of them dive out of the door. They find themselves in the hallway of the house. As they sit in the hallway, breathing heavy, the bathroom door slams behind them, and from the inside, they hear the woman’s voice again. Woman: Did you three come here to rob my house? Because if you did, you choose a pretty bad house to rob! Crushed: Uh, no, we don’t want to rob your house. Woman: Then you came to try to put me out of action. But I’ll have you know I haven’t fought crime all day, so I’m fully prepared for any battle! Crushed: No….we didn’t come here to kill you either. Woman: Uh…..then why are you in my house? Crushed: Some huge guy punched us across this whole city because we made fun of his wife. Silence. Then… Woman: Did the guy have the letters “B.F” on his shirt? Red: Yeah, I think he did. Woman: Oh. I get it. So who are you people anyway? Crushed: It’s a long story. Woman: Well go downstairs and make yourself at home. Let me finish my shower. Red: Can I watch? Woman: …………….Excuse me? Crushed: Don’t mind her. Crushed whacks Red in the back of the head as the three of them head downstairs. They find a small, but nice, living room, and sit down, while Red goes to the kitchen. Crushed sees a newspaper and picks it up. Crushed: “The Supermegatopia Times”? This place is called Supermegatopia? Knaw: Long ass name. Crushed (Flipping through the newspaper): Let’s see…… “Weasel Boy saves orphanage from Carrion”…… “Hell Kitty claws Terrorist’s eyes out”………. “Interview with Hyper Hippo”…..Who are all these people? Red (walking back into the room, holding doughnut she found): Well, judging by some of the far-fetched sounding names, they sound like super heroes to me. But why the hell does this town have so many heroes? Shouldn’t a town only need one? Knaw: Maybe the town sucks….. Crushed: Sucks? You saw the size of this place when we were up there. It’s HUGE! Why would any town this big suck? Knaw: It could find a way… Red: Why are you so damn negative all the time, Knaw? Knaw: Call it a gift. Hey, Crushed, how much money do we have? Crushed looks in a small bag she has been carrying around (When you regenerate, you keep the money that you died with). Crushed: Let’s see……..700 g. I don’t know if we can make it here on that….. Red: That might not even be enough to buy a decent meal! Hell, that’s probably not enough to buy a meal for a tiny person like Knaw! Knaw: Shadup. Woman (From upstairs): Be down in just a minute, just have to change! Crushed: You know, we don’t know this woman’s name yet, do we? Red: Uh…….I don’t think I caught it…. Knaw: That’s because she didn’t say it, Tubby Bitch. In order for you to catch anything, something must be thrown first. Crushed: You know, that’s kinda poetic, Knaw. Where did you get that? Knaw: Back of a beer can. As she says this, the woman comes down the stairs. She is now dressed in a very super-hero-looking outfit. Woman: Ok, now let’s find out what the hell you people are doing here…. Red (Whispering to Knaw): Man, this woman must be out of her mind. She’s dressed as a super hero…. Knaw (Who obviously isn’t the best at keeping secrets): Why the **** are you dressed like a super hero? Woman: Uh, because I am one. Crushed: Yeah, there seem to be a lot of super heroes in this town. Woman: You got that right….uh……..er….what’s your name? Crushed: Oh. My name is Crushed. Red: Red Stephie, but everyone usually calls me Red. Knaw: Just call me Knaw. No questions asked. Woman: Oh, ok. You guys can call me Buxom Gal. The three of them kind of stare at Buxom Gal, then at each other, then back at her. Crushed: Uh….Buxom Gal? Buxom Gal: Yeah. Crushed: May I ask as to Why your name is Buxom Gal? Buxom Gal: (Sighs) everyone wants to hear the story…….. A FEW MINUTES AND ONE INTERESTING STORY LATER… Buxom Gal: So that’s pretty much it. That’s why everyone calls me Buxom Gal. The three, once again, stare, in silence. Finally, Knaw breaks the silence by saying, as only she can, Knaw: Can I just call you Big Boob Bitch? Buxom: ……………. Crushed: Don’t listen to her, she does that to everyone. Buxom: Now, I’ve told you about me, tell me who you guys are and how you ended up in my bathroom. ONE PRETTY LONG STORY LATER: Buxom: ….So you guys come from a world where, when you die, you immediately come back to life? Weird. Crushed: I don’t know what’s so weird about that… Buxom: Well, here, I’m pretty positive you only get one life. Although usually, if you die accidentally, Death will let you come back. Like I once tripped over my cape and fell down the stairs of my house, but Death said I’m not supposed to actually die for a long time. That’s always refreshing to hear, I guess. Crushed: So, we’re stuck here for another 22 hours. And we don’t have that much money. Buxom: Well how much do you have? Crushed takes out the bag of “g” and tosses it to Buxom. As Buxom looks inside the bag, her eyes go wide. Crushed: Yeah, I know, we don’t have that much. Buxom: Uh, is this gold? Crushed: Yeah, why? Buxom: We don’t have much gold in Supermegatopia. This could probably keep you in good health here for a year. Knaw: Aw hell…. Red: What’s wrong with that? Knaw: I was hoping we would have to kill some people to get money… BOOM! From outside, there is an explosion. All 4 of them rush to the window. Outside, in the distance, there is a fire. Buxom: Oh bugger, Metallurgist’s destroyed the bank again. Crushed: Uh, Metallurgist? Buxom: Super Villain. She uses a lot of mechanics to fight. I’ve got to go. Crushed: We’ll come with and help! We’re adventurers after all! Buxom: Great! Let’s get going. Buxom Gal opens the front door, and the four of them rush out. Buxom then jumps into the air and flies off. Crushed, Red, and Knaw immediately stop, staring at Buxom who flies away into the distance. Knaw: She can shoot lasers, her boobs grow, and she can fly. This place is ******* crazy…… Crushed: Well, no way I’m walking the whole way there. Let’s just go find a way to preoccupy ourselves for the next 22 hours. Red: How about we GET SOME FOOD I’M STARVING! Crushed: Fine, fine, let’s go find a good restaurant. The three of them leave Buxom Gal’s house and start walking throughout the city, looking for a good restaurant. Thanks to Crushed’s natural navigation skills, they find themselves lost almost immediately. Knaw: I thought you said you were great at navigating new places, Dead Kitty. Crushed: I am. But I have to have seen the place first… Red: Then it technically isn’t a new place, is it? Crushed: Uh…well……Hey there are some people in that ally. Let’s go ask them. The three girls go into the ally. At the end of it are two people, one male and one female, kissing, as the man begins to unbutton the girl’s top. Crushed: Uh, excuse me? The two people immediately spring to attention, causing the woman’s top to fall down. Red stares. Woman: Hi! I don’t think I’ve seen you guys around here. I’m Slut Puppy, and this is my partner, Horn Dog. Horn Dog: Yo. Crushed: Um…..ok…….we’re looking for a good restaurant. Is there one around here? Slut Puppy: Oh yeah. Just leave the ally, and go two blocks to your left. There’s a great place there. Crushed: Ok, thanks. Horn Dog: Wait, don’t leave just yet! Don’t you want to hang out a bit? Knaw: No. Horn Dog: But think about it. If you guys stay, we could all have an Orgy! Slut Puppy claps her hands in happiness. Slut Puppy: YAY, ORGY! Red: HELL YEAH! Crushed: No, no, we have to go. Crushed and Knaw leave, dragging Red behind them, who is trying to join H.D and S.P. They go two blocks down, and find a restaurant called “The Kiwi Kitchen”. They go in, find a seat, and order food. While they’re waiting…. Crushed: Well, this place makes absolutely no sense at all. Red: Yeah. Let’s see what we’ve seen so far……A super hero who’s powers come from her boobs, a huge muscle man who punched us across the whole city, and a team of two heroes who wanted to have an orgy with us, which probably would have been fun. Knaw: No it wouldn’t have been fun, Tubby Bitch! Red: Well you’ve probably never been in one before. Then again, probably for good reason. You’d probably be crushed under the weight. Crushed: I’ll tell you this, things would go a lot better if we had Purity with us. Red: Yeah, she could protect us. Knaw: I’m glad she’s not around right now. I hate having three tall bitches around me all the time. Hell, everyone in this CITY is tall. I have yet to see one short person…. As she says this, their food arrives. Crushed pays the waitress 1g (which is more than enough), and the waitress goes to get them change. While they dig into the food, they listen to several conversations going on in the restaurant, trying to pick up on anything they can about the city. At one table, two guys are discussing something. They hear one of the men say “I’m telling you, The A.S.S could beat the Offenders any day of the week!”. At another table, there appears to be some sort of business meeting between people. One of them says “Think about it, boss: Kiwi-flavored Computers. They work just like regular computers, but you can lick them, and they taste like kiwi!”. Another table, two guys are in an argument. “I don’t care if she’s a clone, and if she’s evil, she still is hotter than the Original and the Brunette!” The three finish their food, and are about to leave, when CRASH CRUMPLE TINKLE Buck Naked smashes through the window, and crashes through the table Crushed, Red, and Knaw were sitting at. As he slowly gets up, and rubs his head, He turns to the three of them. Buck: Sorry about that. Are you alright? You can tell that the “Hunk-Alarm” is going off in Crushed’s head. She tries to respond to him. Crushed: I…uh….well…I I I I I I…..I… Red: We’re fine. Buck: Ok, good. (He turns to the outside of the restaurant) Man, Brute Force is a nice guy, but whenever he sees kittens…….. As Buck heads out the door, Crushed has a distant, but happy, look on her face. Crushed: I think I’m in love………….. Knaw: Like he’d ever want to go out with a girl who has a habit of dying at least 15 times a day… Crushed calmly reaches over to Knaw and pounds her on the head. Red: Let’s get out of here, I want to do some sight seeing. Red leaves, and Crushed, who has finally snapped out of her Buck-Induced trance, follows, dragging Knaw behind her, who is holding her head. The three of them begin looking around the city, passing the time. Red keeps insisting that they go back and see if Horn Dog and Slut Puppy are still interested in the orgy, but Knaw and Crushed pretty much refuse. After walking and doing a little shopping, they are strolling down a sidewalk, when from around the corner, a citizen turns and runs at full speed, a frightened look in his eyes. He rushes towards the three girls. Crushed: What’s going on? The man runs right past them, yelling something about a hamster. Knaw: A hamster? He’s running from a hamster? Red: Wimp. The three of them turn the corner, and find themselves face to face…..er…….make that face-to-foot with the World’s Largest Hamster, who stares down at them. Crushed, Red, and Knaw are immediately paralyzed by the size of this normally small creature. The WLH looks at them for a second, then blinks. This is enough to get the girls screaming and running for their lives towards the nearest building, which happens to be huge. As they run through the front door, and continue running, Lindsey-Dillo tries to greet them. Lindsey-Dillo: Hi! Welcome to SMT Labs. Are you here for…. The three run right past her, and straight into an elevator. Lindsey-Dillo: I guess they don’t want a tour. They’ve probably heard about the accidents here. I don’t blame them. The elevator door shuts. Crushed: HIT A BUTTON ANY BUTTON AND QUICK! Red slams a random button, and the Elevator starts moving up. As it does, the three girls just sort of slide down the Elevator Walls and sit there, breathing heavy. Knaw: What……The……****…….was……….THAT? Red (Breathing really heavy): It (huff) looked (huff) like a (huff) Giant (Huff) Hamster….. Crushed: This place just (Huff Huff) keeps getting Stranger and stranger! Red: At least it can’t get any weirder… As soon as she says that, Knaw and Crushed stare daggers at her. Crushed: Now why the hell would you go and say that? You know what’s going to happen now, don’t you? Red: Oh bugger…. Knaw: Good going, Tubby Bitch, now things are just going to keep getting weirder. Crushed: Hey, Red, which button did you hit anyway? I want to know how High up we’re going to be. Red looks at the elevator buttons. Red: Let’s see……..Uh, I hit this one that says “MDN 70” Knaw: MDN? Why aren’t the elevator buttons just labeled with Numbers? Red: Actually, that’s the only one that has letters and numbers on it. The rest are just normal, with numbers. Crushed: of all the buttons you could push, you had to push the one that was different from all the others? Red: I dunno….it looked better than the other ones…. The elevator slows to a stop. The door opens, revealing a HUGE lab. The three of them step inside, and as soon as they do, they hear a woman’s voice. Voice: Is that you, Lindsey? Just leave the Particle ReModifyer next to the door. Crushed: Uh…..we’re not Lindsey, and what is a Particle ReModifyer? Silence for a second. Then Mad Dr. Nesbit pokes her head out from around a corner. She looks at Crushed, Red, and Knaw, and gets annoyed. Mad Dr. Nesbit: Who the hell are you three? Crushed: Uh, I’m Crushed, this is Red, and this is Knaw. Mad Dr. Nesbit: Oh. Well, my name is Mad Dr. Nesbit. Crushed: Ok, Dr. Nesbit… Mad Dr. Nesbit: No, MAD Dr. Nesbit. Red (looking really confused): Your Legal name is MAD Dr. Nesbit? Mad Dr. Nesbit: So why are you three in my lab? Crushed: We had to find a place to hide from this huge Hamster. Knaw: Hey, this place is cool! Can you show us around? Mad Dr. Nesbit: Hmmmmmmm……normally I don’t, but I’m in a slightly good mood today, so sure. Mad Dr. Nesbit starts walking them through her lab, pointing out all the things she has. Crushed, Knaw, and Red try to look interested, although they really have no idea what most of the stuff is. Mad Dr. Nesbit: Over there is my Flux Metal Re-Arranging Capacitor. I can turn any piece of metal into another random object that is usually made out of metal. Red: It can? Mad Dr. Nesbit: Yeah, watch. Nesbit looks around on the floor, and picks up an ordinary small screw. She throws it into the machine. It glows a bit, spins around, and all of the sudden, completely morphs. It morphs into a cool looking knife, complete with handle. As it drops on the ground in front of the girls, you can almost see the hearts appear in Knaw’s eyes. Knaw: ….wow…….can I keep the knife? Mad Dr. Nesbit: Yeah, whatever. Anyway, over there is my prized machine. Probably the machine that I’m most famous for. Crushed: What does it do? Mad Dr. Nesbit: It converts everyday energy into doughnuts. This time, it’s Red’s eyes who you can see hearts in. Red: Did you say…..energy….into…..doughnuts? Mad Dr. Nesbit: Yeah. They rarely let me use it because of this bogus reason that it causes blackouts and mass chaos throughout the city. Red: Awwwww……. Mad Dr. Nesbit: Well, that’s about all the things that I have, now get out. Crushed: No! We want to look around more! You MUST have something you haven’t showed us…… Mad Dr Nesbit thinks, and looks around the room. She then goes wide eyed. Mad Dr. Nesbit: Oh man, how could I forget? I do have one more important thing. Follow me. They all follow her to a rather large window. Crushed: It looks like a window to outside.... Mad Dr. Nesbit: It does look like a window to the outside. But look out it. The three girls all lean out the window, realizing they are VERY high up. They look around, but don’t see anything. Knaw: I don’t see nothing! Mad Dr. Nesbit: Lean a little more forward and you’ll see it! The three of them lean forward just a tad. Mad Dr. Nesbit just reaches under them and dumps the three of them out the window. As they start falling, she shuts the window. Mad Dr. Nesbit: Man, that felt good. Now to go decode the Jelly Matrix….. As the girls are falling, they start (What else?) screaming. As Knaw and Crushed fall at relatively the same speed, Red falls MUCH faster (I know about all the Air Resistance stuff, and how everything, no matter how big it is, falls at the same speed, but come on, Red is REALLY fat!) The only saving grace is that Mad Dr. Nesbit’s floor is the top floor, so they have a long way to fall (if you call that a saving grace….) Suddenly, Crushed and Knaw just stop falling. Actually, they start moving completely sideways. This surprises them for a second, until they look down and see that a flying superhero caught them. As Crushed and Knaw look at each other, and breathe a sigh of relief, the super heroine speaks up. Super Heroine: You know, I didn’t think that my house would be the last time I saw you guys. Knaw: Hey, it’s Big Boob Bitch! Buxom Gal: ……nice to see you again, Knaw…….. Crushed: Man, I am glad to see you. Buxom: What were you guys doing in Mad Dr. Nesbit’s lab anyway? Knaw: Well first we ran into this HUGE Hamster. Crushed: So we ran into this building, and me, Knaw, and Red got in the……….. Crushed thinks a second, then gasps. Crushed: GAH YOU DIDN’T CATCH RED!!! Buxom: Relax, she’s fine. I caught her. Knaw: No you didn’t! Buxom: I know, “I” I didn’t catch her. I should say “She” I caught her. Buxom motions to her right. Crushed and Knaw look, to see the Brunette Buxom Gal, struggling to carry Red. Brunette Buxom: Oh sure, you catch the thin ones, and leave me to catch the huge one. Buxom: You’re supposed to do that! You’re a HERO! Crushed: Uh……..there are two of you? Buxom: Kinda, she’s my clone. Actually, there’s a third clone who’s a redhead, but she’s evil, so we don’t really count her. Red: This place gets more ****** up by the second…. Brunette Buxom: Could you please not move around so much? It’s hard enough for me too carry you… Red: Are you implying that I’m fat? Brunette Buxom: Yeah. I’ll just come right out and say it: you’re fat! Buxom: You know, you’re supposed to be a hero, and that’s not very hero like! Brunette Buxom: Will you shut up about the hero thing already? You tell me like 10 times a day! Buxom stops flying and points at her clone. Buxom: That’s because you still don’t have the hero thing down yet! However, by pointing, she drops Knaw. Buxom Gal goes wide eyed, and flies down, still holding Crushed, and catches Knaw before she falls a far distance. As Buxom Gal breaths a sigh of relief, Brunette Buxom Gal laughs. Brunette Buxom: You know, THAT isn’t very hero-like either… Buxom: Fine, we’re even. By now, the sun is starting to set. Red yawns. Red: Man, I’m tired. We have to find a place to get some sleep…. Buxom: Hmmmm, where could you guys stay? Brunette Buxom: How about at Weasel Boy’s mansion? They probably have free rooms. Buxom: Vayne Manor? Yeah, that is a good idea! Maybe you’re not just a useless clone after all! Buxom Gal laughs a bit as Brunette Buxom nearly drops Red in anger. They then fly Crushed, Knaw, and Red over to Vayne Manor. Red: Wow…it’s huge! They land and drop the three girls off. Buxom: Just tell them your situation, and they’ll give you a room. As the two Buxom Gals fly away, our three adventurers walk up to the HUGE front door. Before anything, Crushed stops the other two. Crushed: Better let me knock. Knaw: Why? Crushed: It would look weird if they opened the door and found a tiny rat asking for a room. Red sticks her tongue out at Knaw. Crushed: OR a fat ass, either. This time, Knaw sticks her tongue out at Red as Crushed knocks on the door. After a bit of waiting, Gretchin answers the door. Gretchin: ‘Ello, how can I help you? Crushed: Yes, Ma’am, Me and my friends are lost here and… Gretchin: Well I’ll be damned! Tiger Lass never told us she had an Identical Twin sister! Feel free to come on in, and bring your friends too. I’ll go get her. Gretchin turns around and walks away, calling for Tiger Lass. Crushed: Oh for the love of….what just happened? Knaw: Hey, she said to come in, so why are we still out here? The three girls walk in and look around at the immense house. Knaw: Wow…this place can make a person feel tiny! Red: Any size house can make YOU feel tiny, Knaw. As they all sit down on the couch, Gretchin walks back in through a doorway. Gretchin (Looking through doorway behind her): Tiger Lass, why didn’t you tell us you had a sister? Tiger Lass (Stepping through the doorway): But Gretchin, I DON’T have a sis…….whoah….. Crushed and Tiger Lass then see each other. At first, they both think they’re looking into mirrors, they figure out that it’s another person who looks exactly like them. For a bit, they look at the other one, then at themselves, then back, as if to compare themselves to the other one. Finally, Knaw speaks up. Knaw: Great….Dead Kitty gets her own counterpart, and I haven’t seen one short person in this city…. Crushed AND Tiger Lass (Simultaneously): SHUT UP SHORTY! The two then look at each other, even more confused. Red: ……..Whoah… Tiger Lass: This is weird. It’s like I’m….. Crushed: Looking into a mirror? Tiger Lass: ……..yeah…… Gretchin: Aw, you two aren’t sisters? Tiger Lass: No, I don’t even have a sister. Crushed: Neither do I. Hell, I don’t even come from around here! Tiger Lass: You don’t? Crushed: Nope. Let me explain… Before she has a chance to start explaining, Weasel Boy and Mighty Yak, in full costume except for their masks, walk in. Weasel Boy: Man, just when you think Avatar couldn’t get any more annoying, she gets to thinking she is the god of…… Weasel Boy completely freezes when he sees Crushed and Tiger Lass standing next to each other. He doesn’t move, but he gets an extremely confused look on his face. As his mind tries to process what he is looking at, Mighty Yak continues to walk. Mighty Yak: Well, I’m tired. I’m going right to sleep. He turns to Tiger Lass Mighty Yak: Goodnight Tiger Lass. He then turns to Crushed Mighty Yak: Goodnight Tiger Lass. He walks around them, and heads up the stairs. Crushed and Tiger Lass look at him going up, then at each other, then back at Weasel Boy. Weasel Boy still has an extremely confused look on his face, as he tries to comprehend what he is seeing. Weasel Boy: But one……..one…now two? How….why….where…….uh…… He slowly walks over and sits down on the couch. He takes a few deep breaths. Weasel Boy: I’m going to say this calmly and slowly……WHAT THE **** IS GOING ON? Gretchen: Calm down, Owen, she’s about to tell us. So, Crushed, Red, and Knaw tell their whole story again. When it’s finished… Weasel Boy: So you’re essentially from another world, got transported here, and you’re here for 24 hours? Red: Actually, now it’s more like 20 hours, I think…. Weasel Boy: And you (Pointing to Crushed) are not related to Tiger Lass, it’s just a coincidence that you look just like her? Crushed: Yeah, I guess. Weasel Boy: Are you SURE? Crushed: Pretty much. Weasel Boy: Are you 100%, completely, positively, absolutely… Crushed: I’M NOT RELATED TO HER! Weasel Boy: Ok. Just checking. Gretchen: So you three girls need a place to stay overnight? We’d be happy to give you a room. Now that I think about it, we have a free room upstairs next to mine…….Oh wait, that’s where I keep my Costumes. Red: What costumes? Gretchen: Oh, well, you see…. Weasel Boy jumps over and clasps his hands over Gretchen’s mouth. Meanwhile, Tiger Lass goes over to the girls and whispers what Gretchen was going to say in the most polite way possible. Crushed: You mean she……..and a secretary……..and………with a watermelon? Ewwwww… Red: AWESOME! I had a feeling I would like this place… Knaw: Shut the hell up for once, Tubby Bitch. Gretchen: Anyway, you can use the empty room next to Owen’s. Carmel Heap will show you to it. The three girls turn around to see Carmel Heap entering the room. He stands there for a second. The girls look at him, but don’t scream. Weasel Boy: …you’re not shocked by the fact that there’s a creature made entirely out of Caramel? Knaw: Nah, we’ve seen weirder stuff here. The two bitches who wanted to have an orgy with us were pretty weird… Crushed: And that giant hamster was just plain crazy… Red doesn’t say anything. She’s too busy looking at the large mass of caramel, with hearts in her eyes. Red: He looks so……..tasty…….. Weasel Boy: Uh, you can’t eat him, he’s radioactive… Red: Aw nuts. Carmel Heap takes our adventurers up to their room, where they find three beds. As they change into some pajamas provided for them… Crushed: I am actually starting to like this place. Knaw: WHAT? After everything that happened to us? Crushed: Yeah. Red: Me too. This place is kinda cool. Knaw: ……...After all the screaming and falling and pain here? Crushed: Well, yeah, but there have been some cool things here too. Knaw: Like what? Crushed: Well Buxom Gal was pretty nice, same with these guys, and that naked guy who crashed into our table was……..wow…… Red: Also, Horn Dog and Slut Puppy seem nice enough. And I’d like to get on Mad Dr. Nesbit’s good side to get to that doughnut machine. And I’d DEFINITELY like to get to know Gretchen well. Knaw: ……..you guys are so damn weird sometimes….. The three then get in bed, and fall asleep almost immediately. A FEW HOURS LATER…. Red: Psssst. Crushed? Crushed: yeah? Red: I can’t sleep. Crushed: Neither can I. It’s just weird sleeping in a new bed, in a different house, in a different world……… Red: Wanna go on a walk or something? Crushed: Is Knaw up? Red: No, she’s still asleep. Crushed: Great. Let’s go. Crushed and Red quietly put on their clothes, and leave Vayne Manor to walk around town. It’s about 2:30 AM. Red: Wow. Normally it’s busy here, but at night, it’s so quiet. Crushed: Yeah. Let’s see if anyone is still up. Red and Crushed start on their short walk. They try to stay pretty close to Vayne Manor so they won’t get lost again. Red: I’m hungry. Wanna see if we can find a restaurant or something? Crushed: Sure. The two walk a bit, before finding a small restaurant called “The Greasy Kiwi” Crushed: What is it with this place and Kiwis? Red: Kiwi’s are Supermegatopia’s main resource. The number of Kiwis outnumbers the population. In fact, Kiwi’s make up for about 95% of all exports from SMT. Crushed: Um, how did you know that? Red holds up a small book called “Doorway to Supermegatopia: Kiwi Capital of the World” Red: I picked it up at the Clothes Store we went to. Crushed: And you haven’t told us about it? Red: You never asked. Crushed: …..for the love of…….let’s just go in. Before they go in, they see the main chef. He is really fat, and as he is cooking some burgers, he is picking his nose at the same time. Red: ….Suddenly, I’ve lost my appetite. Crushed: Yeah. The two continue past the restaurant. As they walk, they hear something in an ally. They look in, and see a SMT Terrorist threatening a helpless citizen. The terrorist is waving a knife as well. Crushed: Who is that? Red flips through the guide book. Red: It’s an SMT terrorist. There seem to be an endless number of them, so it’s OK to kill one. Crushed: Really? Cool. Let’s go get him! Red: Wait! Let me. Crushed: What? Red: I want to try out a new spell. Crushed: New Spell? Red: Yeah. I’ve been practicing in private. It’s really cool. Crushed: What is it? A Laser? A huge fireball? A Plasma Sword? Red: Just watch. And stand back a bit. Crushed, looking a bit skeptical, steps back. Red thinks a bit, then closes her eyes and tilts her head down. She quietly begins to chant something. As she does, her entire body suddenly glows brightly. Crushed takes a few more steps back. She then notices something weird: The glowing figure of Red seems to be changing. Mainly, Red’s body appears to be getting…..thinner? Well, at least it looks that way. It’s hard to see, because Red’s entire body is glowing. Crushed looks a bit closer….yeah, Red does appear to be getting thinner! Not only that, but her hair is getting shorter too. Finally, Red stops glowing. Crushed looks, and nearly falls over in shock. Red has suddenly become thin. Not only thin, but in pretty good shape, too! Also, her hair is a lot shorter. As Crushed goes wide eyed, Red looks at herself and smiles. Red: It worked! Great! Crushed: What the….. Red: It’s this great spell I made. It transforms me back to my old, athletic body. Crushed: You mean before I met you? Red: Yeah. Only problem with this spell is that it only lasts for 5 minutes. So I have to be quick. Just stand back, let me see if I still got it. Red cracks her knuckles a bit, and runs into the ally. She quickly ducks behind some trash cans, still keeping an eye on the Terrorist. Crushed watches, pretty amazed at Red. Red, in one swift motion, jumps from behind the trash cans she is behind, does a flip in mid air, lands in a somersault position, and somersaults behind some boxes, closer to the terrorist. Crushed: wow…. Red then peaks her head out, and looks at the terrorist, who is waving the knife in the citizen’s face. Out of nowhere, Red jumps from behind the boxes, and runs at the terrorist. In one swift motion, she grabs the knife, and continues running, straight for the wall. The terrorist turns and runs at Red. Red then jumps, plants her feet on the wall, and kicks off it. She does a backflip, goes over the terrorist, and on the way down, elbow’s the terrorist in the head. The terrorist goes down, but quickly gets back up. He has an angry look in his eyes, and he rushes towards Red. Red looks above her, and sees a pipe. She takes the knife that she stole from the terrorist, and jams it into the pipe. Just before the Terrorist hits her, she grabs onto the knife and uses it to hoist herself up, and the terrorist runs headfirst into the wall. The terrorist stumbles back, and Red hooks her legs around the Terrorist’s neck. She lets go of the knife, and drops down, pulling the terrorist head first into the wall. The terrorist is Completely KO’d, as the citizen thanks Red. Crushed starts applauding a bit. Crushed: Wow. That was awesome. Red: Thanks. Crushed: Why don’t you just stay in that form all the time? Red: I can only do it for 5 minutes every 10 hours. It takes a LOT of energy to do. Crushed: Dang. Well, let’s get back to the house. I’m tired. After getting back to the house (By this time, Red has returned to her normal form). They go back to their room, and sneak in to avoid waking Knaw up. Crushed: I’m still pretty amazed by that athletic stuff you did back there. It was awesome. Red: Would you say it was (She smiles) Inc-RED-ible? Red giggles at her own joke, as Crushed just looks at her. Crushed: Do me a favor, never tell that joke again. Red: Aw come on, it wasn’t THAT bad…. Crushed: Yes it was. Now let’s get some sleep. The two get back into bed, and fall asleep. THE NEXT MORNING….. The three girls wake up to the smell of breakfast. They throw on some clothes, and go downstairs, to discover that Gretchen has made a beautiful breakfast: eggs, toast, bacon, sausage, everything. As they sit down to eat… Gretchen: So how did you sleep? Was the room ok for you? Red: It was fine, thank you. Knaw: Yeah. Crushed: And thank you for the breakfast. So where are Weasel Boy and Tiger Lass? Gretchen: They always leave early. They have to patrol the city. That’s what super heroes do. Gretchen suddenly thinks of something. Gretchen: OH! Before I forget, Crushed, I have something for you. Crushed: You do? Gretchen walks out of the room, but she continues talking Gretchen: We are having a Garage Sale today. We were going to give this away, but I figured that you are an adventurer, so you could use it. Gretchen walks back into the room, and throws a long, thin box at Crushed. She catches it, and opens it up. Inside is a sword. It is crafted beautifully: The handle is made of a material soft enough to grip, but hard enough not to wobble. There are a few red jewels encrusted into the handle. The blade itself is absolutely perfect. It is sharp enough to split a hair. It is slightly curved to be able to get more speed when swinging it. Crushed’s eyes light up when she sees it. Gretchen: We’ve had it for quite some time. We don’t have any use for it, but I’m sure you can. Crushed: Wow. I’ve needed a new sword for a while. Thank you so much! It’s perfect! Crushed gets up, and starts practicing with it a bit. Gretchen: It’s no problem. Now you girls can go sight seeing for a while, and feel free to come back here if you need anything. The three girls leave the house, with Crushed still swinging her new sword around. Knaw: So how much time do we have left before we get the hell outta here? Red: I think about 2 hours. Yeah, that sounds about right. Crushed: Well let’s go look around some more. The three walk back into town, and start looking for pretty much anything fun to do. Eventually, they find a HUGE outdoor market called “The Kiwi Market” (Clever, Huh?). There are literally hundreds of stands, each one selling food or clothes or what not. Red: Ooooh, this place is cool! Crushed: I’ve never seen anything like this back in Char-mon! Knaw: They’d better sell weapons… The three are about to start looking around, when they hear a loud crash. They turn around, to se Dr. Ghoti, who has destroyed a stand for hot dogs. He laughs evilly. Crushed: Um, is that a fish on the head of a robot? Red: Yeah. Crushed: Just checking. Dr. Ghoti: HA HA, Evil Land Dwellers! Soon I, Dr. Ghoti, will flood Supermegatopia, once again reclaiming it from you land dwellers! As Dr. Ghoti laughs more… Red: So, how do we take down this guy? Crushed: I’ll use logic. Just follow me. The three of them walk calmly up to Dr. Ghoti, who is still laughing. Crushed: Um, hey fish head! Dr. Ghoti, with anger in his eyes (if fish could get angry looks in their eyes), turns to Crushed Dr. Ghoti: How DARE You, Land Dweller! Crushed: Listen, you want to flood the earth, correct? Dr. Ghoti: Of course! Crushed: And I understand why. You’re a fish. Dr. Ghoti: Of course! Crushed: But…you do realize you’re on a robot body, right? Dr. Ghoti: Well, yes. Crushed: Now, does electricity and water mix well? Dr. Ghoti: Of course not! Everybody knows that Electricity and Water mixed produce disastrous consequences. Crushed: Well, if the earth floods, that means your robot body will be covered in water, malfunctioning it, and probably electrocuting you. So why would you want to flood the earth if it means your death? Dr. Ghoti stands there for a minute, lost in confusion. Finally, he walks away, grumbling “Damnit….I hate when people use logic” Red: Wow. How the hell do you do that? Crushed: When you have a tendency to die all the time, like I do, you have to improve your intelligence to get out of situations. As she says this, she turns to walk away, and slams her head into a lamp post. Crushed: oooouch….. Knaw: Intelligence, huh Dead Kitty? Crushed: Shut…..up…Knaw….. Red: Can we please go shopping now? This place looks awesome! Once Crushed recovers from walking into the pole, the girls start shopping. But before they get very far…. CRASH Crushed: Oh God WHAT NOW??? The three look towards the sound of the crash, to see that Wonder Wombat (The male version) has crashed through a stand. He slowly stands up, and brushes himself off. Wonder Wombat: Damn Dr. Ghoti. Why is he in such a pissed off mood? He turns to the three girls. Immediately, the “Hunk-Alarm” goes off in both Crushed and Knaw’s minds. Wonder Wombat: You girls ok? Red: Yeah, they’re fine. I think they just think you’re hot. Wonder Wombat: Yeah, I get that a lot. Wonder Wombat walks off, saying to himself “Damn I’m sexy” with Knaw and Crushed still in hypnotic trances, staring at him. Knaw: Wow……..maybe this place isn’t as bad as I thought… Crushed: You got that right…. Knaw and Crushed then look at each other for a few seconds. Knaw: Back off, Kitty Bitch! He was looking at ME! Crushed: No way, Shorty! Why would he be interested in someone who doesn’t even come up to his KNEES? Red: Girls, can we please stop fighting? Crushed and Knaw: SHUT UP TUBBY! Red: ……..ok……. BOOM In the distance, there is yet another explosion. But it’s way off in the distance. They can just barely see some smoke. Knaw: The hell was that? Crushed: Dunno, let’s go check it out! Red: Crushed, it’s been really annoying here, can we please just go back to Vayne Manor? Crushed: No way. Come on, girls, where’s your spirit of adventure? Knaw: You’re going to get us killed, Kitty Bitch! We’ve already gone almost 24 hours without dying, I think that’s some kind of record for us. Let’s quit while we’re ahead! Crushed: Look, do you girls even WANT The Experience? I mean, Knaw, how close are you to getting that new knife boomerang skill? Knaw: Now that you mention it, I only need about 120 more exp…. Crushed: And Red, how about you? You have that awesome spell you showed me last night. The more exp you have, I bet you can make it even more powerful. Hell, you could probably make it last longer! Red: Hey, Yeah!! Knaw: What spell? Red: Nothing. Let’s go check it out. The three girls rush to see what the explosion was. After a few minutes of running (And a brief rest period), the three finally arrive at the scene. There, they find a HUGE battle going on. The Metallurgist has developed a set of power armor, with cool laser beams and death rays and what not, and is destroying everything in her path. The Offenders are trying to defeat her, but to no avail. Metallurgist: Fools! You are trying to defeat me? My new Power Armor is invulnerable to ALL energy attacks! Go on, just TRY to stop me! She shoots a laser directly into Captain Kiwi, who goes flying through a brick wall. The girls have taken some shelter behind a stack of barrels. Red: Is this that Metallurgist person Buxom Gal told us about? Crushed: I guess. Now how do we take her down? Knaw: Well, she did say that she was immune to Energy, right? That doesn’t mean she’s immune to good ol’ fashioned hand to hand combat! Crushed: You’re right! Red! Can you do your spell again? Red: No, It hasn’t been 10 hours yet! If only there was some way to get a quick burst of energy…. Suddenly, by Coincidence (No, really!), a woman crashes next to them. She gets up and brushes herself off. She looks up, and sees a laser beam headed right towards her. She dives out of the way, and hides behind the barrels with Crushed, Red, and Knaw. Woman: Man, that was close! Crushed: Who are you? Woman: Blood Witch, official “Babe” of The Offenders, and master of all things magic. Red goes wide eyed. Red: Master of Magic? Blood Witch: Yup. Red: I also do magic, and I need a power spell. Blood Witch: Power Spell? Red: I have this spell which changes my form for five minutes. But I can only use it every 10 hours, and I have already used it in the last 10 hours. Blood Witch: Say no more. Hang on a second…. Blood Witch raises her arms, and zaps Red with a beam of light. Blood Witch: Next time you use the spell, it should last for 15 minutes. And you can use it now if you want. Now I have to go back to the fight. Red: Thanks! Blood Witch: No problem. With that, Blood Witch dives back to the battle scene, but is immediately knocked down by a laser from Metallurgist. Red: Ok, here it goes. Back me up! Crushed: Definitely. Knaw: What are you going to do, Tubby Bitch? Red, ignoring Knaw, steps out from behind the barrels and walks forward a bit. Metallurgist hasn’t noticed her yet. Red (Yelling to Metallurgist): HEY METAL-ASS! Metallurgist turns around, an angry look in her eyes. Metallurgist: Who Said That? Red (Waving): That was me, over here Tin Tits! Metallurgist: AND WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? Are you some kind of “New” Superhero? Red: Yeah, you could say that! Just call me….. (Red thinks for a second, then smiles) Red: Just call me “The Inc-RED-Ible!” Behind the barrels, Crushed buries her face in her right hand. Crushed: She just HAD to use that damn joke, didn’t she…. Red: So I’m here to put a stop to you! Metallurgist: YOU? I’m wearing my new super power suit, and you’re just a fat tub of lard! How the hell do you expect to beat me like THAT? Red: I DON’T expect to beat you like this. Red then looks down, closes her eyes, and starts chanting. As she does, her body glows brightly again, the same way Crushed saw her last night. Knaw is confused as hell. Finally, as Red stops glowing, she is once again in her old, athletic, fit body. Crushed smiles, while Knaw goes wide eyed. Red: I do, however, expect to beat you like THIS! Knaw: Whata……how…….whe…….ehn………howda…….when’d....Where? Crushed: That’s her new spell! It transforms her into her old, athletic form! Knaw: Wow……….and all this time I thought she was just making those stories about being thin up…….. Red: So, how about you just give up now? Metallurgist: Big words from a….well.. FORMALLY big lady. But no chance in hell I’m giving up! I’ll just take your ass down! Metallurgist and Red run at each other, and Metallurgist shoots a laser! Red jumps, does a flip over the laser, and lands right behind Metallurgist. Red tries to elbow Metallurgist, but she grabs Red’s arm, and throws her towards a brick wall. Red repositions herself in mid air, plants her feet on the wall, and kicks off it, directly back at Metallurgist! The two meet again, and start brawling back and forth! Metallurgist then backs off, and fires another laser. Red does the splits, and the laser goes right above her head. But when she gets up, Metallurgist SOCKS her in the face with a hard punch! Red goes down, her jaw bleeding. Metallurgist laughs. Metallurgist: Ha! You thought you could beat me? You are merely a gnat for me to squash on the way to destroying Supermegatopia! Metallurgist picks up Red, and starts pummeling away at her. Meanwhile, behind the barrels…. Crushed: Gah! What are we going to do now? Knaw: Damn………..WAIT! I got an idea! Crushed looks at Knaw Crushed: You? Have an Idea? YOU? Knaw: Ha ha, very funny. Now listen up Dead Kitty…. Knaw whispers something into Crushed’s ear. Crushed starts to smile. Crushed: Not bad! I hope it works, though…. The two peak out from behind the barrels, to see Metallurgist is turned away from them. Crushed quickly runs out from behind the barrels, and hides behind a stack of boxes that’s on a different side of Metallurgist. Knaw and Crushed look at each other from across their areas. Finally, as Metallurgist turns her back completely, they both nod their heads. Knaw, at full speed, rushes out from behind the barrels. She runs up behind Metallurgist, and, with all her might, kicks her between the legs! Of course, this causes absolutely NO Pain to Metallurgist. She turns around, an annoyed look on her face, and looks down at Knaw. Metallurgist: Uh…….what did you try to do? Knaw: I kicked you in the nuts! Metallurgist: You DO realize that I’m a woman, right? Knaw: Yup. Metallurgist: AND that I don’t have “Nuts”? Knaw: I know. Metallurgist: So you kicked me between the legs, expecting me to be hurt? Knaw: Nope. Metallurgist: Then why the hell did you? Knaw: Distraction. Just as she says this, Crushed jumps out from behind the boxes. She takes her new sword, and throws it at Metallurgist. Metallurgist: Distrac…..oh bugger! Metallurgist turns around, and sees the sword flying at her. She tries to move out of the way, and does a bit, so the Sword scrapes against the front of her armor, but doesn’t go completely through. The Sword falls to the ground. Metallurgist laughs. Metallurgist: HA! A smart-Ish plan, but obviously a failure! As you can see, the sword has not hurt me at all! And now, I am going to…..to…….what the….. Metallurgist looks down at her armor, which she sees is beginning to crack. It cracks up a bit, before completely shattering. Her entire armor suit shatters, revealing a tiny top and an even tinier thong under it. Other than those and her mask, that’s all Metallurgist is wearing at this point. She goes a bit red. Metallurgist: GAH! OF ALL THE ******* DAYS TO WEAR THIS! Metallurgist reaches down and grabs a piece of metal. She uses it to cover herself up the best she can (Which isn’t very well), and runs off. The Offenders all look at our three heroines (Red has slowly gotten back up) Thunder Dog: Thou hast verily vanquished the evil doer. Thou art truly powerful felines. Knaw: Uh…….what? Blood Witch: He said you did a good job. Red: Oh. Well, thanks. We were just doing what anybody would do, I guess. Captain Kiwi: You know, we HAVE been looking for some new members to our group…. She Male: We have? Captain Kiwi (Elbowing She Male): YES, we have. So what do you think? Would you like to join us? Crushed: Sorry, but we won’t be here for very long. Right Red? Crushed looks over to Red. Red is scratching Hell Kitty’s belly, with Hell Kitty purring. Red: Look how cute she is. She Male: Uh, I would be careful if I were you….. Red: Aw, she looks pretty harmless to me. Aren’t you harmless, widdle baby? Hell Kitty opens her eyes and glares at Red Captain Kiwi: Seriously, don’t do that…. Red (Obviously not listening): Aren’t you a widdle baby? Yes you are! Yes you are! Who’s a widdle cutie pie baby? Who’s a little… Hell Kitty latches onto Red’s face and starts clawing at her head. Red starts screaming. Red: AAHHHH GET HER OFF GET HER OFF! She Male: Who’s turn is it this week? Thunder Dog: Ah, tis my turn to save someone from the demon kitty from hell. How this doth hurt so badly…. ABOUT AN HOUR LATER…. Gretchen: Hold still, dear, or it’s going to sting even more! Our adventurers are back at Vayne Manor. Gretchen is applying some rubbing alcohol to Red’s face to treat all the cuts she got in her fight with Metallurgist. Knaw and Crushed are waiting in the living room. Red: So, girls, how was I? Crushed: You were great! You put up one hell of a fight! Knaw: But, of course, thanks to MY heroic efforts, this town was saved! Crushed: YOUR efforts? It was MY sword that got her down! Knaw: But who distracted her? Red: Girls, you’re forgetting who the hell was the one to originally challenge Metall…..YEOW! Gretchen: I Told you not to move around! Now be silent, I’m almost done. As she says this, the front door opens, and in walks Weasel Boy and Tiger Lass. Weasel Boy: Oh hey, you guys are back! Crushed: Yeah, but not for long. Our 24 hours here are pretty much up. We’re just waiting for a portal or something…. Tiger Lass: Hey, I heard you girls saved the city from the Metallurgist. Is that true? Crushed: Yup! We kicked her ass. Weasel Boy: Wow. I heard that with her new armor, she was unstoppable. You guys must be GREAT Adventurers! Crushed: Yeah, we’re experts in our field. Knaw: Course, Kitty Bitch is forgetting that her “field” consists of dying multiple times a day! Crushed: ……….Shut up Knaw…. As she says this, Red comes into the room. Her face is bandaged up a bit. Red: Guys, are you all ready? We’re going to be going back any minute. Knaw: Yeah, we’re all ready. Crushed: I’m really going to miss this place…. Red: Yeah, me too. Knaw: Here they go again….Are you two even glad to finally be getting the hell home? Crushed: Well, yeah, but this place is cool too! I’d love to come back here again. I’d like to see more of that naked guy and that muscular guy…..(Sigh) Red: The Doughnut machine is cool too. And I’d love to hang out with Gretchen more… Gretchen just smiles. Knaw: Whatever…..you two really freak me out sometimes…… BOOM Everyone in the room is blown back a bit as a large portal seems to appear in the middle of the room. Through it, you see what looks like the inside of a circular temple. Crushed: There it is! Red: Well, I guess this is it. (She turns to Weasel Boy and Company) It’s been fun! Thanks for letting us stay! Gretchen: It’s nothing, dear. Just try to one day come visit us again! Tiger Lass: See you guys! Crushed: Bye! The three girls turn around, and jump through the portal. As it closes, they see that they are back in the Temple of Infinite Lives. In front of them is the High Priest. High Priest: Ahh, girls, you are back. We’ve been waiting for you. Crushed: Hey Priest. I’m guessing the regenerator is fixed? Priest: Yes girls. But where did you end up for those 24 hours you were gone? Knaw: Some crappy town called Megatopisuperia. Red: Uh, it was called Supermegatopia. Priest: Oh….really? Crushed: Yeah. Priest: Well, did you girls learn anything from this whole experience? Crushed: Uh, isn’t it your job to tell us that? Priest: Yes, but I can’t think of anything right now……. Crushed: Fine fine….let’s see………I guess I learned to be more careful. That place was dangerous! Red: Yeah, I agree. I think that from now on, we should be a LOT more careful. Priest: Good. Now run along girls! Crushed: Let’s get home. I want to see if this sword has any spells on it. The three girls leave the temple. 10 MINUTES LATER….. The Priest is looking over some….uh….Priest-like stuff. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees a shimmer of light. He looks up to see the three girls sitting in the middle of the regeneration circle. Knaw: Dead Kitty, I TOLD YOU it was stupid to keep your bowling ball collection that high up! Crushed: But it was the only place I could think of to store them! Red: At the top of your closet on a sloping shelf? The Priest sighs Priest: I guess some things never change……
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