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Modern Major General
by I Sing The Songs (The girls enter the stage. They all have their faces painted white (except Purity, for obvious reasons) and are dressed in kimonos) Crushed: Ready? Red: These robes are stuffy, how many layers are there to these things? Knaw: As many as the layers o' flab 'round yer gut tubbo! Purity: Seize your infernal prattling, let us begin! Crushed: Oy…. (Music begins, the theme to 'I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General' from Pirates of Penzance) Crushed: #I am the very model of a poor kitty heroine I've died so many times and I always will get up again The fates are cruel and twisted so they leave me in delirium What I wouldn't give to find an eternal life ser-I-um.# Red: is that a word? Crushed: * Sigh * #My demeanour is often one of sardony, sarcastic wit 'cus face it as far a des-I-tany's go my one is really sh*t Knaw is mean, Purity's cruel and Red has a large weight problem. We buy our clothes in bulk from every retail consortium Red: Cool, my turn? Crushed: Knock yourself out. Red: Great! #I am the very model of a pudgy individual. my waistline makes me quite rotund my belly's rather spherical. I'm a sucker for candy, chocolate, and any other fattening treat To keep from eating less than every five minutes is quite a feat. If I did want to lose my flab I'd probably find it quite a test I can't run more than a few meters without getting out of breath No I'll remain a tub of lard no matter how hard I try's A plump round butt, a beach ball belly and a pair of thunder thighs Knaw: My toin! #I am deh very model of a deadly individual I have a deadly blow dart gun; it's perfectly cylindrical My knives are sharp, my arrows poisoned, my grapple weighted perfectly The hooks are bent to precise measure to have perfect symmetry The poisons I use vary from incapasitents to fatalty To make the illusion of painful death a cold reality I'm often told the language that I use is very, very crass But I gots an arrow sharp enough to get through tubby's huge tank ass!# Purity: I refuse to participate in this…I'm leaving! Crushed: Doesn't matter, the writer couldn't think of anything anyhow. Red: This outfits making me hungry, I thing I'll grab some fortune cookies! Knaw: I hates it when people gets dah Makardo mixed up with PoP! (Everyone looks at her) Knaw: WHAT!!!!!
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